OLD for over 50s - advice please

[AnonyMum21]

Can anyone suggest best site for us oldies please?

Looking for eventual relationship, not casual ONS (MN has been educational for me re: ‘hook-up’ type sites! - not judging, but that’s not for me)

So far I’ve tried (briefly)
Tinder - not keen on the focus on pics, prefer words/profile but it seems to get traffic?
PofF - because it’s free I’m getting lots of inappropriate contact from hopeful guys in 20s/30s - presumably thinking I’m lonely and desperate (I do look younger but even so …!)
Match - distance criteria is ignored

Any feedback on eHarmony?
Or Bumble? - or is that mainly younger demographic?
Any others …?

Thanks all

Its up to you, my own experiance is its a complete waste of time, most men this age have just come out of long term relationships, have no baggage and just want to play the field, ok if you just want casual.
l have briefly dipped my toes in and out over the last six years, havent been on it for a long time now but l bet if l were to go back on it, l would see the same old faces, you might have better luck. "Ourtime" was probably one of the better ones.

Well, you are not going to get anywhere without photos. You don't need 20 - but at maybe 3-4 including one full length photo.

I did not like Our Time because they automate too much of it - I guess to try and simplify it for the old people. But, you will soon realize you are getting contacts from men with the same sentences, word for word, and come to find out, they are "suggested" responses created by Our Time. I am quite convinced some of the profiles are straight up fake - especially the ones where the person looks young.

@BringOnTheOtherWorlders
I have posted photos, and will only reply to those have also posted them (I reply to EVERY other msg though - even if just to say ‘thanks for your msg, don’t think we match but wish you well” - just good manners I think, and trying to be kind. I know I’m unusual)

Interesting comment about profiles … I’m a bit suspicious too. Thanks for your feedback

Thanks for your comments @Moonface123 - you sound disillusioned, I agree it’s a minefield, and not fun… but trying to meet people the old-fashioned way just not happening

And yes, you’re right about familiar faces - I’ve already recognised some from March - last time I dipped my toes in. And few I’ve chatted to have been single for years

I’ve avoided OurTime so far as I’m young for my age (both looking and in attitude) so I’m happy to date younger too - say, someone in 40s as long as he already has kids but may check out eventually.

I am reading this thread with interest! I’m 60, but stil have romantic impulse and like men :-).

Ive been on Hinge, I’ve had lots of matches , an awful lot of really young ones , I’m nearly 51 but I do look younger.
I’ve come out of a long marriage and then a failed relationship with someone who I adored ( long story) so I don’t think my hearts in it to be fair, but I’m terribly lonely, Sunday’s are the worst day of the week I find 😢

Ourtime. Awful name but it's for the over 50s. Therefore men on there aren't looking for women 20 years their junior (well unless they are 75, or have multiple accounts on other sites like me... anyway).

I can't say that I was thrilled by the general atmosphere on there. Hinge was more exciting to look at. But I spotted a guy aged 55 with interests closely aligned with mine. Main profile pic was fine. Opened the profile, saw second pic, thought 'hmm hot', clicked 'like'. We've just celebrated our first anniversary. He was the only one I contacted on there.

@Tempnamelady - I agree, Sunday’s are hard as so many friends regard as ‘family’ days
@PermanentTemporary - thank you for sharing your positive story, gives us hope
To both of you - thanks for talking about Hinge. I just had a look this morning, seems like a much better version of Tinder… need to experiment more and find distance settings though

@Lemor - good luck to us both!

@PermanentTemporary thats nice I’m so pleased for you .
I’m aware that my issue broadly is that I know exactly who I want to be with but it’s just not possible and therefore I’m not really open to anything else.I’ve had the most horrendous year and I’m now having psychotherapy , something I didn’t think I’d hear myself ever say . At the moment it mostly consists of me crying my eyes out but hoping I start to see progress soon.

@AnonyMum21 good luck , some of the comments I’ve had on there have made me laugh if nothing else .

Try OKCupid - more focus on biography so you can get a sense of a) who somebody is and what they like and b) how much effort they’ve been willing to put in; and the algorithms are based on answers to a range of personality and value questions.

Outside of large major cities like London, Manchester, Glasgow etc I think the specialist sites are a waste of time. Very few users, even fewer you want to match with, and vie to ally everyone using a paid site will also be using a free site anyway.

I have no experience of this but I’ve heard that Telegraph dating is a reasonable option. I think there is a charge but maybe this filters out some of the unsuitable people.
Good luck OP. I hope you find someone.

I used Our Time for a while, Im not in a metropolitan area, was pretty much a waste of time, my pictures were new and bio was up to date,

Hardly anyone ever responded, waste of time really

I'm in my late 50s, and have done lots of OLD. I had success with Tinder, PoF and OkCupid.

Bumble was okay, but loads of men who were on the other sites too (which tbf I was as well!).

My 54 year old friend met her boyfriend of 3 years on a Christian dating website, would something like this work for you? She went on a few dates with two other men on the dating site before who were ‘normal/nice’ but not for her.

I used Tinder mainly, right-swiping on anyone with a grammatical bio and pics that didn’t make me despair - IME men in their 50s photograph very badly and they’re generally better in the flesh.

I developed a real loathing of Bumble, the fact that the woman messages first seemed to attract misogynist trophy-hunters who had no intention of even meeting, let alone dating.

IME men in their 50s photograph very badly and they’re generally better in the flesh.

Oddly enough I found the same with women over 50 much better when you actually get to them…

… get to meet them …

I thought Our Time and Match were full of automated messages
I said to someone once " sorry you are too far away , good luck " he replied " sorry who are you ? " 🤣

Have totally given up on OLD it's just vile -
I've started hanging round the freezer aisle in Tesco looking for men buying ready meals for one

Joking !

It was Asda

I agree that a lot of older dates look better in the flesh. I find that a lot of younger people use filters and look different when you meet them. I’m in my 40s and never use a filter.

I just don’t think I can be bothered..... 😞🙄

I met my H on POF . Between Match and POF I had several dates - good meetings , nothing awful and no dick pics but yes several young guys wanting their Mrs Robinson .

@FabulousMrFifty

IME men in their 50s photograph very badly and they’re generally better in the flesh.

Oddly enough I found the same with women over 50 much better when you actually get to them…

🤣 🤣

Thanks everyone!

@hazelgrey

I thought Our Time and Match were full of automated messages I said to someone once " sorry you are too far away , good luck " he replied " sorry who are you ? " 🤣

Have totally given up on OLD it's just vile -
I've started hanging round the freezer aisle in Tesco looking for men buying ready meals for one

Joking !

It was Asda

Early 50s here. Used dating sites. Was very picky, got to know them first so I only met up with about 8 and had relationships with 3. The 3rd one I've been together with for almost 2 years.

Keep your standards high. There is no rush. Better to be single than in a bad relationship. Have fun. See if they're nice people who would work as friends and if something develops then all good.

Went on the usual dating sites. The ones I had relationship with 2x tinder and 1x another similar one that I can't remember. I only went on the ones that you both had to swipe.

@AnonyMum21
I’m 52 (M), I used our time for about 6 / 8 months, lot of women on there, very mixed profiles, some were good, some were just terrible, I used a lot of advice on this forum to update my pictures & profile, and got a lot more “views” and “likes”, after that.

One thing I have read on this forum levelled at men is that they have a “sweetshop” attitude, which is kinda true and false, the issue I found is that most women never respond to messages, so you have to keep sending messages to lots of people to even get single a chat going ( which may well go nowhere),

So for me the D in OLD stood for Disappointment.

I meet a few nice women, had some dates, didn’t go anywhere but that’s not an issue with OLD, that’s just people not clicking.

Good Luck