Surviving holidays with the in-laws

[Rewis]

Me and my bf have always spent Christmas with our own families and it has always worked out great. However, this year bf does not want to spend the holidays with his family so I invited him come spend time with my family. He agreed to come, but I got a sense that he was not too excited but when I asked alternative things to do he didn't have an answer for that either.

He's not my fmailys biggest fan (but they love him) and I'm already feeling stressed about this. Our family Christmas is already more involved than what he is used to. Also we sre from different countries so it will be weird and overwhelming.

The question is to those who are not excited for family holiday, how can I make the holidays tolerable (or even nice) for him so that I can also relax? Going home for the night? Him only coming for 1 or 2 days? Not leaving him alone with anyone? Walks in the middle of the day? Going to bed early? Obviously he gets to comment but I like to be prepared.

Also we sre from different countries so it will be weird and overwhelming. or it could be new, different and exciting. Keep the visit short if it's the first one.

Keep it short. Ask him what he’d like. Never being left alone would be my idea of hell.

My ILs are difficult but it’s a chance to slop off and read a book for a couple of hours I don’t often get with young kids.

Describe the set piece events and what he’s expected to do. Eg is 24th evening or 25th day meal ‘the real Christmas’?

Is there a big walk or trip to church he’ll get judged for not participating in? What can he NOT do and that be fine?

Enjoy

Thanks for the responses! Maybe it all will be fine.

Never being left alone would be my idea of hell.
I meant leaving him alone with the family. Not that there would be no "me time".

or it could be new, different and exciting. Keep the visit short if it's the first one.
It could be that. I personally think like that but I also know it will be overwhelming.

Keep it short. Ask him what he’d like
If course I'd ask but I'd like to be prepared. I'm curious what you consider being "short". I understand that it will be different with every family but I think this is a curious topic.

2-3 days max. Keep it short amd sweet
Proper space if posss ie. Bedroom where he can relax vs blow up bed in lounge
Pop out to the supermarket for bits (carrots or a nice dessert or wine or whatever) just you two.
Go for a walk or run alone.
Plan to watch a movie or two with family rather than all sitting expectantly making convo.

is he from a country that has similar Christmas customs or from a country with totally different customs?

If it's the first, then it shouldn't be too much of a shock for him. If it's the latter then maybe you could incorporate some of his country's customs to make your own a bit different.

2 days?

He doesn't want to spend it with his family, he isn't keen on your family.

Is having him with you going to spoil your Christmas with your family?
Might he sour the atmosphere for your family a bit, despite them liking him?

If it is, it might be best he does his own thing.

If you insist on bringing him, then send him off after max two days.

Stay on yourself for a few more days.

You are not married, it really is ok to do this, if you prefer.

Keep the visit short, can you just go for the day or will it have to involve staying over? Staying the night in someone else's home, particularly your GF's family home is never going to be easy ....

What is it about your family that he isn't keen on? How long do you stay for?

I'd be cutting the time down and maybe creating your own traditions and plans this year.

I'd be cutting the time down and maybe creating your own traditions and plans this year.

Im willing to compromise but I actually enjoy my Christmases so I'd rather not just be the two of us.

Keep the visit short, can you just go for the day or will it have to involve staying over?
We can go home for the night. Due to logistics staying for 1 night would be preferable but ita totally doable to go to mine for the night.

You are not married, it really is ok to do this
Actually In my family it's totally normal for married couples not to spend the holidays together. So there is no pressure in that regard. I'm not insisting on bringing him. But I'm not gonna not invite him and leave him on his own either. He won't cause an atmosphere.

is he from a country that has similar Christmas customs or from a country with totally different customs?
I think the biggest thing is that his family doesn't really do traditional Christmas and it is very low key. In comparison ours is a lot louder and has a lot more happening.

Obviously I will talk to him but I like knowing what to suggest. Based on the answers the important thing is not to stay too long. When you guys mentioned short visit I was thinking a few hours and I was thinking that it will totally ruin my Christmas. But talking about full day or two is totally fine 😃