Need some tough love!

[phenominalmay]

Hi guys I just need some hard love and advice. I find it hard to open to and speak to people as a suffer from PTSD. So I thought coming on here and speaking to strangers will help me.
Sorry for the long post...

So...I have recently asked my partner to leave my home and our relationship. He went out last Saturday (he doesn't go out all of the time) He isn't a very nice person when he drinks he changes he's not verbally pleasant around alcohol. (can't handle his drink) I also seen messages on his phone from other women some where strangers, some where who he worked with. He was begging to meet up with them etc. Some of the messages actually crushed my soul. I gave him an opportunity to speak to me about it and he never once did I was shut in the dark.

So I calmly told him to leave, he did just that. We have a 1 year old daughter together, he happily walked out of our home, family and relationship without an explanation, a sorry, nothing. So now I'm on my own with our daughter and I'm so lost and actually quite scared.

He blocked me off everything including my number as if I was the issue. What do i do in this situation? I feel very confused and numb. I don't understand what I did wrong or why I deserve all of the above.

Has anyone ever been through anything and can give me some tips?

B

Oh phenominal. His reaction showed you've done absolutely the right thing. I can't actually use the words I'd like to call him, but he's awful and gradually your self esteem is going to build up to the point you can see him clearly for what he is and how he's treated you.

There is a section on here called relationships where I think you'll find people who have been through this and can give great advice to you. If you see the 3 little dots at the bottom of your post and click it, then 'report post', you can ask for this to be moved to 'relationships' section.

Good luck with the rest of your life! You've done the right thing.

I'm sorry you're feeling so lost, do you have friends and family you could turn to for supper? You did ask him to leave though, and that's what he's done. Did you hope asking him to leave would make him realise how serious things are? Unfortunately it sounds like he got exactly what he wanted. Not much you can do about him blocking your number etc, did you discuss visitation of your DC when he left?

Oh and you absolutely did the right thing! It's hard to start with, but you deserve better than someone who's been messaging other women and is belligerent when drunk!!

@KurtWilde

Oh and you absolutely did the right thing! It's hard to start with, but you deserve better than someone who's been messaging other women and is belligerent when drunk!!

He didn't want to speak to me he just stormed off. Haven't seen or heard from him since. I think having no answers and locked away has made me feel worse than if I was told what was what. He hasn't asked about our daughter yet nor has he planned any visits he didn't want to speak to me

@MerryMarigold

Oh phenominal. His reaction showed you've done absolutely the right thing. I can't actually use the words I'd like to call him, but he's awful and gradually your self esteem is going to build up to the point you can see him clearly for what he is and how he's treated you.

There is a section on here called relationships where I think you'll find people who have been through this and can give great advice to you. If you see the 3 little dots at the bottom of your post and click it, then 'report post', you can ask for this to be moved to 'relationships' section.

Good luck with the rest of your life! You've done the right thing.

Thank you I’ve asked it to be moved! I just feel all to pot we were together 7 years. I don’t think I’d know how to even be single again. I also feel very self conscious and all other emotions. Just wish I had an explanation. He hasn’t spoke to me or asked about our daughter yet. I text his mum but she always too attached to him and always takes his side so I was ignored by her :(

Not sure how you've done it for 7 years tbh. His behavior is extremely odd.

You’ve done absolutely the right thing, OP, but he didn’t like your boundaries and didn’t like being called out on his bad behaviour. That’s why he’s shut you down.

You can and will manage without him. It may be tough going at first but you and your DC will be much better off without him. What real life support do you have? Now’s the time to reach out to people who can help you.

Really awful what he did and show's his true colours. So sorry your going through this OP. Seems like you have accepted it, now it's time to move on. Build a better life in his absence.

Be thankful that he has left so easily. Once you're over the hurt, you'll will see it this way.

Next call should be to CMS.

Don't think about it as 'being single again', that makes you defined by your relationship status. You are the same person, in a relationship or out, you like the same things, you have the same interests and character. You are you. Maybe take some time to find out who you really are if you're not secure in this... You aware free to be who you were made to be.

Sorry that should say .. You are free

You will never get an explanation from him, because the explanation is “I am a selfish, entitled, colossal wanker who does not deserve you ” and he’s never going to admit that!
Painful as I can imagine it is, you’ve done absolutely the right thing. The MOST important thing now is to shore up your boundaries. Stick to your guns, you know in your heart of hearts you deserve better, so go and get it, for you and your DC x

Get the flags out - you’ve escaped from a head wrecking cheat with no commitment or morals

So I calmly told him to leave, he did just that. We have a 1 year old daughter together, he happily walked out of our home, family and relationship without an explanation, a sorry, nothing. So now I'm on my own with our daughter and I'm so lost and actually quite scared.

Of course you’re scared, it’s a huge change very suddenly but what did you think would happen when you asked him to leave? It’s not the way to open communication, if you wanted a discussion you could have simply talked about it - it sounds to me like he’s called your bluff.

Given his behaviour though, it wouldn’t surprise me if he unblocked you and drew you back in, thus ensuring you never raise any issues with him again in case he leaves. You’re better off without all that shit tbh.