Only fans email

[Totallyconfused1]

I’ve NC for this.
I have a partner of 3 years. I came home early from work yesterday, he was working in his office but his emails were open on his computer downstairs. He has a huge monitor on his computer and there as bold as can be was an email from only fans. All I read was your subscription......, before realising oh god I’m reading something I shouldn’t be. I didn’t click on the email to open it, but wish I did now.
We’ve spoken about porn, I don’t have too much of an issue with it but part of this conversation was I explicitly said sites like only fans I’d have a huge problem with, you’re interacting with specific women you can pay for things just for you and chat to them. Porn seems less personal.
I’m so confused I really don’t know what to think or feel.

I wouldn't be happy with that, for the reasons you said. It's the level of personal interaction.

You need to speak to him.

I personally hate the misogynistic industry and would never be with someone who watches porn, but since your okey with it, what difference does OF make?
I mean, those women do not want your man, they probably think he is pathetic.

Why didn't you say something to him at the time you saw the email?...he could delete and deny it the longer you leave it to ask him about it

You said something like OF was your hard boundary so what are you “confused” about ?

You made your feelings known and he has deliberately trashed them. What would you advise someone else to do in that situation ?

I think the difference for me is the personal interaction. The thought that he’s paying someone some how changes things too.
It’s seems desperate and feels like cheating.

I can tell you hand on my heart that if I saw that email he'd be gone. Gone, gone, gone. I would not utter a word apart from you're leaving, pack his bags for him and show him the door. Fuck. That.

I left my ex husbandcafter 12 years when I read an email from hornymatches.com

I did a bit of digging and he was on 15 sites. I got onto a profile which had pictures of him, showed it to him and said you're leaving. He was gone the next day. That was 2014 and I haven't seen him since that day.

You need to ask him what it was about. BUT (and this is not popular here on MN) I would have a snoop on his emails first. If MN teaches you anything, it’s that people LIE! So, I would dig around on his emails, see what what and then ask him. If it’s “just” porn (which you’ve said you aren’t that bothered about, for what it’s worth, I’m not either) no major issue..if it’s more than that and you’ve already said that’s a boundary for you, that’s a much bigger problem. I’m a big believer in forewarned is forearmed, so find out what the score is, THEN ask him. And honestly, if you hadn’t seen that email would you even have thought about it? I know nothing about only fans but if he IS messaging/paying for stuff it needs to be addressed.

How is that going to help your libido.

It's not, now he has become unnatractive to you, seedy and just yuk.

Find a real man, one that doesn't pay for an imaginary relationship when he has one at home.

How would he like it if you set your own account up charging men for ....

OP, your H has subscribed to OF to pay sex workers for interactive sexual experiences. Honestly, my trust and respect for him would be plummeting to zero.

Are you going to follow through now that he has breached the “explicit” parameter you set?