difficult inlaws

[bigboydiditandranaway]

We have invited inlaws over xmas am instead of for a meal as they're bringing more family with them and we haven't got the room to accommodate them.

They're now bickering about the fact we have asked them over at 10(they have a 50 min journey) they doubt very much that they'll get over to ours till 11, so twice we have said we will put ds down later for his mid day nap but they're still not happy.
They are going out xmas eve so this is the reason they won't be getting over to us till 11.

I received a phone call from mil asking us to reconsider spending xmas at home which we very much want to, instead to go to them.

Dh has spoke to them twice now and has received an email from his dad about it.

Should dh send them a equally rediculous email back, ignore it, what do you think?

I'm with you on this one. You have a small child, so you have to do what is right for you. Of course they would rather not have a 50 minute journey! But why should you?

bigboy... am with maidamess on this one. It's easier for them to travel the 50mins. They probably anticipate having a hangover and that's why they don't want to take the trip... rather inconsiderate in my book... stick to your guns.

What time will they have to leave (to get home to eat)?

Are they inviting you for lunch?

I don't think I'd drive for nearly two hours on Christmas Day for just an hour or so there.

Tell them that this has already been planned. Tell them they don't have to come if they don't want to but you aren't going to them

It just makes me so cross that they should cause such agrevation, it makes you feel that you don't want to invite them again.

This such a typical pattern of the way they are when things don't go their way, it really stresses me out. They are such control freaks.

I second paula. Just state that your child will be too excited to travel on Christmas, you don't feel as though it is fair on him (make them feel guilty for being selfish, although it'll probably go over their heads) and then politely reiterate that your plans are that you are spending a family xmas at home. Whilst they are more than welcome to join you, you do understand that it is difficult, and so will happily see them on X. End of conversation. There's nothing they can say to that without appearing really selfish!

Alternatively could you not have them mid afternoon for a buffet tea?

What is it with in-laws, why do they expect children to spend all day travelling and not enjoying christmas or playing with their presents/toys.

I would (and have) told them that christmas is for children and we will be having christmas at home. They are welcome to come to dinner (done at a time which suits dd and not adults) or we will see them boxing day.

Stick to your guns and if they don't like let them stew and enjoy you christmas with your DH and DC.

Stick to your guns. It is your Christmas too, not just theirs. You have asked them over in the morning and it is up to them to accept or decline. If they want to see you then they can choose not to get ridiculously drunk the night before. If it was mil or pil b/day or anniversary or something then I would bend over backwards to do what they wanted to do but you and your dh and dc have as much right to enjoy Christmas as them.

Your dh should phone back and tell them that you don't want your dc to be in the car for 2hrs on Christmas day when he will want to play with his new toys and that if they feel it is going to be a bit to much for them to come over in the morning then you would love to see them on boxing day, otherwise you will expect them at 10-11.

Thanks for all your messages, we are sticking to our guns on this one. Dh wants to let them know how disappointed he is with them and why it is so difficult for them to come to us at that time etc.

The last time he had to speak to them about the way they were carrying on they persistantly found any opportunity to make nasty comments, critise me for any slights to dh and just basically make things as awkward as possible. I am now expecting and dreading their responses to things in the future at a time when all i need is calmness from them. Ifeel like i did when i was being bullied by my boss at work, when ever i stood up to her she would find the slightest thing and take me to another room and bollock me.

Please someone give me some words of support.

TBH I am not sure they are being that unreasonable. You are inviting them for a small, particular slot in the day. Your DS could nap in the car if you went to them. Could you reconsider and as them for tea or something which would not need to be a sit down meal.

Go to them on Boxing Day? Too much hassle for both of you to do the Xmas Day thing - you should deffo stay at home if that's what you've planned, and they can do the same and nurse their hangovers