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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Found out H has been cheating with multiple women during our marriage

5 replies

bellaella18 · 05/11/2021 19:55

H and I have been living separate lives (he stopped speaking to me out of the blue) since the start of the year. He's away in Spain (his home country) and has been for 4 months now. We share a 3 years old DD, which he has spoke to once since he's been away. Today, I was looking into his USB stick which has all of our photos, I found a hidden snapchat file from his 6-week holiday in Spain last year (we were completely fine, no issues. Our marriage was ok). He said he was going to Spain to visit his family for a couple of weeks and ended up staying 6 weeks. I couldn't go because of COVID. I found screenshots of conversations with a woman who he met in a nightclub and they slept together. Lots of videos of him in nightclubs with his friends and other women, as well as house parties where him and his friends invited tons of women. A photo of his rolled up cannabis joint. Receipts of hotel bookings, one costing over £1000.
On the way back to the UK, he stayed in luxurious hotels in London and Manchester two nights each with another woman that came with him from Spain, he also paid for her flight back to Spain from London.
I don't like nor love him and haven't done in a long time now. I'm just shocked as whilst he was away in 2020 he was texting everyday saying he loves us and misses us and asking to see pictures of DD. I've also just realised that he passed on something onto me, because after we slept together last year, a few days later I had a horrible infection and really suffered for weeks with itchiness etc.

I haven't filed for divorce because I've had lots of health issues and COVID and I also started a new part time job, DD started nursery part time, so I have to drop her off and pick her up (6km walk in total as I don't drive) and just finished my studies a couple of weeks ago. I'm waiting to graduate and pass my driving so hopefully I can get a full time job. My question is; is it worth taking a copy of all of the photos and videos (in the videos he doesn't show his face as he was filming) and use them in my divorce case?
Also, he owns the house we live and has the paid for the mortgage for the duration of our marriage which is about 6 years. He also pays all bills etc. Since we separated, as per a solicitor's advice, I have remained in the property and I do all the caring for DD and food shopping.
Although he's away, he has continued to pay all bills but haven't initiated a divorce.
Through some digging, I've found the girl he travelled to London and Manchester with. Is it worth making a fake account and letting her know he is married and has DD as I really do feel sorry for her, and he is most definitely lying to her about everything. I'd hate for another woman to go through what I went through.

OP posts:
mrsbitaly · 05/11/2021 20:01

Part of me wants to scream yes tell her but you are going to need to protect yourself and child and if that means being quiet until your affairs are sorted rather than ruffling his feathers I wouldn't say anything.

I'm so sorry you have seen all that I can't imagine what your going through

dresstokillmytime · 05/11/2021 20:16

I agree with the pp that you need to focus on making things ok for you and your child. Don't waste any energy on him and his flings.

Get some legal advice and work out how to protect yourself financially.

Treacletoots · 05/11/2021 20:25

Keep your powder dry. A court doesn't need or care about his sordid behaviour. All they need to know is you're no longer wanting to be married to your OH. That is enough.

So sorry you're going through this. For a man to abandon his child is despicable but for some reason it seems perfectly acceptable!

Stay calm, file for divorce and get on with your life. You'll be fine.

TaraR2020 · 05/11/2021 21:01

I agree with pp.

I'm sorry op, what an awful shock Shock you are clearly so much better of without him and I know you said you no longer have feelings for him but it must hurt so much :(

Flowers
bellaella18 · 05/11/2021 21:05

Thank you all for your messages. I think you are all right, there is no point telling her he is still married and hasn't initiated a divorce. I'll get myself up on my two feet and then divorce him as soon as my situation is better.

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