Relationship breakdown

[Mumtosquidge2015]

Hi, I’m a mum to a 6year old boy and have been with my partner for over 15 years (married since 2017). Recently I have found that I’m not attracted to him anymore and have become attracted to someone else. It’s really scaring me as I never saw this coming at all! I asked for some space to work things out as we were definitely in a rut, but now he’s told me he’s staying in the house and not willing to give me space! I don’t know what to do. I moved from my home to a different city, my name isn’t on the mortgage and after an argument I was told that I should leave the home, and leave my son. I cannot do that, I can’t leave my little boy or leave my job! Should I just suck it up and stay with him? Or is this a warning sign I should take seriously? I’m scared to loose my son, any advice would be great!

It sounds like you are not married and living in his house, so I am not surprised he has said he is not moving out! It is you that wants to end the relationship, you move out, you don’t have to leave your child behind.

If you’re married don’t move out. The house is a marital asset. Go see a solicitor

You are not married so have no claim on the house
You need to find a place to move to with your child.

@GoodnightGrandma

You are not married so have no claim on the house You need to find a place to move to with your child.

Are you married or not ? You say married but call him partner.

Could it be that this other person you are finding yourself attracted to has warped how you view your marriage?

Would it not be worth some marriage counselling?

I don’t know, OP - if you’re the one who’s fallen for someone else, it’s a bit much to ask him to move out. I can imagine how that would go down on MN if you were a man asking his wife to move out so he can process his feelings for another woman.

Also, it’s normal to feel attraction for other people. The vow to forsake all others wouldn’t be necessary if everyone else ceased to be attractive. The point of loving and committing to someone is that you prioritise your relationship with them over attractions to other people. Remember also that other people have the added attraction of being shiny and new compared to the partner with whom you’re going through the daily grind.

All that said, it sounds like you got together very young and it may be appropriate for your marriage to end but, unless your husband is abusive, there’s no reason why he should move out while you work your head out. As PP have suggested, if your H has been a good husband and father, perhaps it may be worth trying marriage counselling before ending your marriage.

You can't change how you feel and expect him to move out of his home because you fancy someone else.....that's absolutely crackers.

It's you who should move out.

So you have developed feelings for someone else (after I assume a type of emotional affair) and think your husband should leave the home?! You cannot be this selfish and inconsiderate - you're the one who's gotten involved with someone else!

If you need time to think, why can't you move out to an airbnb or something in the interim? If you leave your marriage, that is what you'd have to do - live and support yourself. No, you shouldn't suck it up and stay with him because now he knows so you can't be confident that he won't want a divorce. Also, it isn't fair to him or your son to stay in a marriage when you're in love with someone else. They don't exist to offer you a comfortable life - they have feelings, wants, needs to that need to be considered.