I'm really struggling. Post restrictions relationship

[bemusedandbewildered]

Good evening. First post to post this dilemma of mine so hoping you can shine a light on what is wrong with me!

Met current partner mid 2020. We bubbled and spent most of our weekends together when we could as we lived and hour apart.
It was exciting new intense and wonderful fun. We got each other through ... me post separation of marriage and him unable to see his children due to restrictions/ childcare/ vulnerable adults in the home.

All remains wonderful but the dynamic has changed. For me nothing changed post covid restrictions , I worked through restrictions and had family around me and friends I could see through social distancing.

For him, he has moved house, changed job, seeing his family and friends daily.
We still speak daily and text regularly
Throughout the day, see each other eow and one night on alternate weekends.
He has only begun to socialise once more with his friends and family which has changed the whole dynamic.

We've spoken. He understands my point but I can't figure out how I'm feeling or why I feel like this s or what the hell is wrong with me. He says that while the dynamic has certainly changed, the essence of us hasn't. I have to agree but why do I feel so anxious then??

Can anyone help me unpick this evening please?

Anyone please?
I feel very anxious for some reason.

I'm not quite sure what seeing each other every other week and one night on alternate weekends actually adds up to (i.e. do you mean - just one night out of 14 or a couple of nights out of 14?) but it sounds like a significant step back from where you were before.

So perhaps your anxiety comes from feeling like the relationship has taken a big step backwards. You only live an hour apart so it does sound as if you could be seeing more of each other. Who set that schedule? Is there an obvious explanation for it? Based on your respective schedules, could you be spending more time together and is he actively choosing not to?

How he acts is much more important than what he says. It sounds like he's happy with seeing you considerably less frequently than you used to see each other and obviously there's a message in that, however he might try to dress it up.

That said, this greater distance might be healthy. In a sense, lockdown created an artificial world for the two of you and it's not surprising if "real life" is looking a bit different. Also - you say he got you through your post-separation of marriage period. If you've just come out of a marriage, you may be very unused to living alone but it's probably a good idea for you to spend some time living independently rather than rushing into something else.

Thanks for replying. I may have come across as confusing.
We are seeing each other the exact same amount of time. Eow together and a weekend day and night.
What has changed is that the other nights, I would have been busy with kids and he would have been alone.
Now he has his kids but can still socialise and do other stuff with family and friends.
I still don't get why I feel unsettled.
Our time together is ring fenced and we don't make plans with anyone else outside of that unless they ya a family event that we need to attend.
Maybe I'm just anxious. I'm going through a lot with my ex husband and kids at the moment so feel a little fragile. Thanks for replying.

What has changed is that the other nights, I would have been busy with kids and he would have been alone.
Now he has his kids but can still socialise and do other stuff with family and friends.

Do you mean he's also busy now in the evenings with his kids and social circle, instead of checking in on you regularly or phoning for a long time...? Or is there something else you resent, or miss from the lockdown routine?

Yes @EileenGC , that is it I think.Things have changed and even though we are still very much as committed and in love with each other , I feel unsettled.

Could it be that maybe you are feeling a little insecure now that you aren’t the central part of his life now that he can see friends etc? It was “safe” knowing he was at home before and now he’s out and about in a world that doesn’t include you? 🌻🌻

I think @NotaCoolMum has nailed it. It sounds like you just need to take a bit of time to adjust to the new status quo. It could be that your spidey senses are picking up on something but based on what you've said that doesn't really seem likely.

In the end, there are no guarantees. You've had a marriage end so you know that even the most committed relationship can finish. But it does sound like everything's going well here and there may be greater risk of you damaging the relationship by fretting needlessly than by trusting the process.

Allow yourself to just relax and enjoy the relationship. If you love him as much as you say you do, then you don't really want him sitting alone night after night while you're out and about. Wouldn't you rather know that he's with friends and enjoying himself?

@NotaCoolMum and @Dery yes. That's it but I would never not want him to have fun and see his friends or family.
My ex husband had an affair and I was the last to know. It destroyed my trust in men and I am only healing.
Thanks

It's difficult when you've been very badly let down before but your husband is not all men and you do have to be careful that you don't project your experiences with your ex-husband on to this relationship. Based on how well you say the relationship is going, you're more likely to damage it by projecting fears on to it than by trusting that it will work out.

Good luck, OP. It all sounds like it's going really well - long may it continue!

Thanks for your kindness.