how to stop the worry of parents…

[username839]

I’m nearly 25 and live with my parents currently in the process of saving for a deposit.
I am in a really happy relationship and I see my boyfriend 3ish times a week. We both work full time so usually an evening and then most of the weekend depending on plans with mates etc.

Mum has always given me advice about not seeing him too much cos it’ll die out etc etc and I completely agree. I’m happy with how things are and absolutely I love seeing him.

So why do I always worry about what my parents will think when I go and see my boyfriend more often? I walk on eggshells a lot as they can be quite protective (but mean well). Sometimes if an extra opportunity arises to see my boyfriend on say a Friday night (which we don’t always) I find myself thinking and basing my decision on a night in by myself purely because of what my parents think. And I realise if I lived on my own I’d be really excited and definitely go and see him.

How do I stop myself from basing decisions on them?

Don’t live with your parents

Yep move out… how long will saving for a deposit take? If it’s going to be years what really is adding an extra year or two and moving into a house share?

Stop believing what you parents say is right or true. It took me a long time to learn that and I wish I had learnt that earlier.

Have a re read of your op. In para 2 you say you agree with your mum that you shouldn't see him to often (as an aside why?) .

In the 3rd you express you want to see him more often than your parents view is reasonable.

I met my now husband and saw home 2 x per week the three then four days then moved in 8 months later. So no one could tell me that seeing him too much would make it fizzle out! Totally the opposite.

Do what you want and yes or May fizzle out but so what: it's not because you saw him one more time than your parents deem right and proper.

Who wants to spend Friday nights with their parents when the could be with their boyfriend having fun?

You may need to tell them. "I'm going to see him 4 x a week as we are getting serious. I'm not sure you will approve it but I'd prefer it if you didn't comment on it"

You have outgrown living with your parents. You want an adult independent life, but it sounds like your mum still treats you like a teenager. Many 25 year olds have flown the nest by now. Try moving into a house share for (commit to at least 6 months). I promise you - it will change your life.

Thanks everyone! I’m quite far into my saving now and hopefully in the next 12 months I should have deposit so really want to stick to it 😬

Yes definitely stick to it as 12 month’s will soon go by.

The problem with some of us mum’s (myself included) is that you’ll always be her little girl.

However your mum does sound quite controlling and judgemental.

She’s obviously got in your head, which is not good in terms of you double guessing yourself all the time because you want to please her and not be negatively judged by her.

I think you should stick to doing what you want to do and try to navigate your mum in a kind way, but ultimately be determined to do what you want to do.