Casual relationship - what happened??

[Drinknumber11]

I’m posting this so I can try to understand what happened.
Met a guy OLD (if it matters we’re both late 30s), before meeting I said I wanted a casual relationship and he agreed. We met for coffee and got on like a house on fire. Got real mixed signals from him during this time.
Anyway we met up twice for sex. The second time after he came, he said “that was so intense.” Then he seemed really off with me, so I thought fine he’s just not into me anymore (or that I was bad in bed).
He has been texting sporadically since, nothing sexual like he used to, just seeing how I am. Not asked to hook up again.
What is going on - and advice/opinions greatly appreciated!

The "intense" thing rings a bell. Have you potsed about this before?

No, I’ve only joined mumsnet today

Sounds like he was perhaps trying to hint that you were catching feelings. And when you didn't bite, it dented his ego?

He may not be fwb material. The above is really common from men unfortunately, they don't like it when you don't fall for them. They were expecting an upper hand in whatever type of relationship developed between you. Not equal footing.

It may however just be that he is waiting for you to tell him what you want. Which you should. You don't have to wait about worrying about a guys feelings or how you might appear if it's just casual.

@Pinkbonbon thanks for your insights.

I think I actually quite liked him when we had coffee, but then I thought no I had proposed the casual relationship. I was very happy doing the casual thing, it’s just when he made that comment about it being so intense - was I meant to say something back?
I think you’re right though - maybe if I tell him what I want then at least I will know either way.

Backing off would be my guess but keeping in loosely contact for when he wants to see you again maybe he's in no rush to see you again now you've already slept together.
When he said it was intense, he meant his orgasm not his feelings.

When did you last have sex? My experience with fwb/casual is that they are all over you before sex and become more distant after sex, something to do with testosterone drops. After a day or two they are then all about you again.

@Leicat just over 2 weeks ago

Yeah, I'd say what's going on is that you're in a casual situation where he wants to keep you around in case he wants to have sex with you at some point, but otherwise he's not interested in you. He'll throw you the odd text to make sure you don't disappear entirely, but he's not going to waste energy flirting or making an effort unless he's run out of other options and thinks he'll booty call on you. I would make nothing at all of his comment after sex other than he enjoyed it.

It is kind of what you said you wanted, OP. If you don't like how it's playing out, just drop him or block him.

@beastlyslumber yeh I agree with all your comments. And yeh it is what I said I wanted. I guess what threw me was the very mixed signals when we first met (mixed as in I want to date you), and then him behaving since this way since we had sex for the second time.

Agree with the above posters sounds like he just wants it when he wants it and not bothered about you, you did want causal? I’m guessing you meant more FWB but that’s with an actual friend not someone you meet online as they don’t actually want the F bit!

Thanks everyone for all your comments, it’s really helped me from getting lost in dicksand! 😂

Dicksand! Brilliant

@beastlyslumber

Yeah, I'd say what's going on is that you're in a casual situation where he wants to keep you around in case he wants to have sex with you at some point, but otherwise he's not interested in you. He'll throw you the odd text to make sure you don't disappear entirely, but he's not going to waste energy flirting or making an effort unless he's run out of other options and thinks he'll booty call on you. I would make nothing at all of his comment after sex other than he enjoyed it.

It is kind of what you said you wanted, OP. If you don't like how it's playing out, just drop him or block him.

I’d agree with this, you said you asked for casual and that’s kinda what you will get

You asked for a casual relationship. That's what your getting.

I wouldn't read anything into the intense comment.

Someone else on the scene perhaps?

Men sometimes get weird after they cum in my experience