In a relationship for over a year, overall happy, occasionally disagreements happen but nothing major.
The problem I have is that every single time when there is a disagreement I want to leave DP. It isn't right. I want to be with him, I love him, but if something comes up, the first thought in my head is: cool, I'm not having that, I'm out!
I have never told him that, I tell him my views opinions, everything else but not that I want to leave over something silly. It is not that I want to have my own way and I would want to manipulate him, no. It is this automatic thought I can't shift.
I think it came from my previous relationship which ended 3 years ago. It lasted 10 years and the abuse was bad enough to leave we with anxiety and ptsd. I planned how to leave for years and was always hoovered back in. Once I've made up my mind that was it, every time when we argued I thought 'oh whatever I'm not having that, I'm out of here soon anyway'. It still took years to leave. After I left I had a therapy and all was good. I didn't know this thinking will stay. I thought it was normal because I felt trapped and once I'm out it will disappear. I don't feel trapped now, so why I can't shift it?
I don't expect anyone to be perfect, I don't expect a relationship where DP always agrees with me. Disagreements happen it is normal and I know that. Yet I have these thoughts I can't get rid of.