Please tell me your positive stories of creating a new life in a new place aged 50+

[hereorhome]

I'm struggling with a big decision and it's exhausting me.

Basically, one of my options is to move to the area I lived in until I left for university, the place I still think of as home even though I've been gone for 30 years. I am not in touch with any old friends other than the odd Xmas cards but do have some elderly family members still there.

It would mean starting over in my fifties and I'm not sure how realistic that is.
There are several other aspects worrying me. What I'll be leaving behind here is one of them, finances is another as I will be significantly less well off (any equity from my current house won't go far, and I need to face the very really possibility that I will actually be poor, especially when retired). I feel the pull of home though, and it's getting stronger.

Has anyone ever moved to a new place and created a whole new life for themselves at 50+? Although I know the area I will know no-one my age, will need to find work and create a whole new social circle. I did it in my twenties, full of the optimism and the energy of youth, with my whole life ahead of me but today I am wracked with doubt. What if it all goes wrong? If I am lonely as well as poor? It will be an irrevocable decision, so I want to be sure as I can that it's the right one. (Oh, to have a crystal ball, and a spare £500k!).

Please tell me all your positive stories and give me your best advice.

We’ll, I’m in my 60s and have recently moved to a Scottish island, so I hope it’s possible! So far it’s going ok

Research what the area is like now - clubs, activities, organisations before you commit to a dream

I'm 55 and have sold my property to move to Dorset or Devon. I'm getting near to it just struggling with this awful property market at the moment. I've always wanted to live by the sea and I'm determined to make it happen. One life and its getting shorter by the day. I'd say do it ASAP.

I am planning it, but taking dh with me which possibly makes a difference.

Why do you want/need to move?
What are the alternatives?

I think I would do as others suggest and research what sort of activities and clubs are available in the area. The easiest way to meet people and develop a social circle is to get involved with something with people with common interests.
If there's nothing going on there of interest then it would be more difficult. But if you're in to music for example and there are a lot of choirs and orchestras etc you'd be in a great position.

I'd also suggest planning to join something within the first couple of weeks of arriving so that you have something to look forward to each week and that before you even move you know there is something positive to look forward to.

We are on our way! After 30 odd years in London we are leaving for the seaside. Hopeful that living in a small city vs the capital will actually help in finding new chums - fingers crossed!

I moved country just before Covid hit aged 48?

Are you romantizing your childhood home? Why pick that location?

It depends why the pull is there. I'm trying to imagine this - I feel zero interest in returning to my childhood area but am lucky to have found 'my place' 18 years ago from the moment I arrived, and am very deeply rooted here. So I totally get that there are places you just feel are right.

It does sound like there are huge disadvantages to this particular move. I'm guessing that the pull is very strong if it's overcoming all those very big downsides.

Ultimately being happy in a particular place is not 100% logical, and starting over in your 50s is far from impossible. I knew a woman in her 50s who emigrated once her youngest child had moved out just before actually but never mind and moved to her dream country. She only lasted 3 years there and moved back to the UK to a place she'd never lived before. She was very happy there and died at home 30 years later.

I guess what I'm saying is, could you find what you're looking for somewhere else? If it's financially so onerous, are there any other options?

I'd be very wary of moving back to somewhere you last lived 30 years ago. I sometimes go to visit friends and family where I grew up (and moved away from only 15 years ago). There's a fair bit of nostalgia, but the place has changed in many ways, and so have I. Even things that haven't changed feel a bit alien there now.

The significant difference is that I do still have quite a lot of old friends back there, so whilst a lot of physical things have changed, I can literally drop into my old haunts and catch up with people like I've never left. So it's the people more than the place that is my connection to there. I think if I didn't have those friends still there, I'd feel very alone and out of place going back visiting.

If you can keep the nostalgia to a minimum and are confident about meeting new people (and just maybe reconnecting with a few old ones), then it should be ok.

Maybe you could trial it first - rent out your house and rent another one where you're looking to move to? Give it 6 to 12 months and by then you'll have a pretty good idea if it's the right thing to do.

I moved back home after 30 years. A spontaneous decision. I was 54. My 84 year old mum lives 2 mins away. Beautiful part of the world. North Wales. I have seen my siblings, nieces, nephews. relatives, old family friends etc more than I have in the last 30 years because they come and see or stay with my mum. You can join various clubs or do voluntary work to meet people. The Meetup group round here is very good. If you work you will meet people. The thing is, I feel I belong here and I am so very glad I decided to come back. I actually lead a very quiet life. I am not Mrs Sociable but the handful of connections I have made are slowly getting deeper and meaningful. I do a bit of voluntary work and see the same faces at the shop or when out for a walk and we have little interactions which are just lovely and important. There are wild and desolate paces around here which are so beautiful and incredible. I love it!!!! If you are thinking of creating a new life somewhere else, then go for it. Who knows how it will turn out but the fact that there is a bit of you that is prepared to take the plunge means you have got to give it a try.

Yes. I gave up my ( well paid) job and moved 250 miles to the sea. I literally knew nobody, but I did move with my partner which makes a huge difference. I also have a ready made job as I rent part of my house out.

A friend I now have moved here with just a suitcase at 56, totally alone. Her house and possessions had been repossessed because her husband was convicted of fraud and everything was in his name. She is amazing, she has built a life for herself here, made friends, started a gardening business and works as a carer in the winter. She amazes me with her strength after life has thrown some horrendous things at her.

We moved to to live in Europe five years ago. I was then sixty nine. It is hard, but perfectly doable, even the language. Wouldn’t dream of going back. Don’t romanticise your childhood home though.

I have a friend who moved and has made many friends in the new location, mainly through a club and her hobby. However, she is retired so has time to spend on creating friendships but, more to the point, she is an outgoing sort of person. Are you that outgoing sort of person, OP? Oh, and her husband she also has money so can afford to socialise.

I moved to a new area age 56 after a horrible divorce. My choice was dictated by this being the only place I could afford to buy a house.
I joined a lot of things, to get to know people, I also got a dog for company. I'm a pretty friendly person but I'm also quite happy with y own company and will happily go out to movies/theatre etc on my own.
I retired early so haven't worked since I got here and I miss that, and I have a fairly limited income.
In all honesty it's been mixed - I'm not unhappy, I'm not lonely, but I did move away from a lot of friends and I miss my social group. I think also being a single older woman, when many people my age are in a couple is quite hard.
I'm not sure I would choose this life, but if it is something that has to happen then I think you make the best of it, and for me that is joining things to do with my interests and getting to know people that way. I don't think I have made the same close friendships I did when I was younger though - at least not yet.

I moved to Devon aged 51. Moved with daughter who then went to uni two months later many miles away. So on my own but have dogs. I’m a bit of a loner and not a joiner but I love it here. When I used to visit Devon in my 20s I always said I’d retire here, no one believed me.

Wow! Lots of brave people (Scottish island and Europe aged 69 especially) and good advice here. Also some thought-provoking questions. Thanks.

I don't think I'm romanticising my childhood as it was actually quite hard and I was glad to get away, but the place itself is one of the loveliest places in the country and I love it. Not North Wales but similar in some ways. Unfortunately now very expensive meaning I could barely afford a 2 bed flat there as opposed to a 3 bed house where I am.
Children will have moved out by then but will hopefully still want to visit during uni holidays, Xmas so I will need to be able to put them up for more than a night or two which is why I'm a bit concerned about the material side of things. Plus I would miss having a garden.

I am not a social butterfly but neither am I a hermit and like the idea of getting involved in book clubs, pub quizzes, walking groups, park run, aquagym for example, so not really expensive hobbies. I don't think I'd be bored, especially as I will still need to work full time and will hopefully be able to spend quality time with aging relatives, plus perhaps catch up with one or two old friends.

Thank you for inspiring me and not killing my dream!

Any other experiences are welcome

I've relocated in late 40's to live with dp. Still work in progress as covid thwarted meeting new people but I'm now beginning to socialise. It's slow going but fun

@hereorhome

I realised after I posted that maybe my post sounded a little downbeat - and that isn't actually how I feel - I am content with my new life - it is certainly better in many ways than my old one. I also forgot to say that obviously covid has been a factor in socialising and now things are getting more back to normal. I enjoy all the things you mention - book club, quizzes, walking groups, I go to a yoga group. Worth a look at local FB pages, local sports centre and there is also a 50+ friends group here which I go to sometimes - we just have coffee or lunch and chat or arrange to meet up to do things, so there is usually someone to go to a movie or theatre with, and there is an art and craft group I go to. I think whatever you're interests are there will be a local group and I think 'friends' groups exist in most areas. There are lots of people our age in a similar position it is just a question of finding how to link up with people Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I moved mid 40s. There were circumstances around my move that made it very hard to settle. I also had young kids. Honestly, its been really, really hard. You have to work extremely hard to build new friendships as you have to find people who have space for new friends.
At this age, there are a lot of people in settled friendship groups who just do not have the need or time for new people.

Its a lot of pursuing a possible friendship, feeling optimistic about it and then getting thrown aside/ hopes dashed and needing to dusting yourself down , plaster a smile on your face when you feel shit and getting back out there.

I guess if you do not have kids you will have more time to do more things and meet more people which will help.

And I really miss having those close established friendships. I wouldn't lightly throw those away.

Its nothing like arriving in a new place in your 20s when a lot of your peers are also trying to make friends. Its a very different situation.

AmyDudley thanks again. Yes, I would be content with that.

deepfriedfood I've just had ten years of what you describe after previously living somewhere where I did feel settled so I know what it's like. Tough! It's also why leaving here won't be hard from that point of view. My children, however, have managed to settle. I'm biding my time until they move out and on, so that I can do the same.

Why back 'home', could it be somewhere else, just for you, that gives you at least a garden that you say you'd miss?

If buying a home large enough for guests is an issue, buy a place big enough for you and let the guests fend for themselves. Don't keep yourself short of money for the sake of having an empty spare room. Alternatively, if you are in the right area to do Air BnB, earn some money from it or do a Monday to Friday let.

I am also biding my time here. I moved country at 45 with small kids, haven't settled and intent to move as soon as kids are out the house. No matter what age I am, I will not grow old here.😐