Hand hold please. Husband left. Feeling very alone

[Raspberries86]

DH has had a very, very difficult relationship with his dad growing up and has always been full of insecurities and been lacking in strategies for copying with the difficulties in life

This week, things came to a head and he reacted disproportionately to DS pushing his luck a bit. I was scared of his reaction and so was DS. I asked him to leave and we had a blazing row.

He has gone to his mum's for a few days
I'm not sure I want him back and do feel a sense of relief he is gone but also, tearful and alone. Please tell me this will get better. I feel so alone.

Hi OP I just wanted to say I think it's great you have got him out of the house and protected your DS. Take it day by day and allow yourself time xx

OP here's a (((hug))) for you.

I know you don't know what the outcome will be yet, but many of us have been through similar and taken the step of separating from difficult, needy or abusive men. You don't say enough for it to be clear what his behaviour involves, but it sounds as if it's been very hard for you.

You're not alone, there are lots of us here who know how you feel. Do you have anyone in RL to talk to, or who you could ask to come round? How old is DS?

I have to go out in a bit but I'm sure others will be around to chat to.

And yes well done to you for making clear what your priorities and standards are and asking him to leave.

You've done the right thing in asking him to leave. Just use this time as breathing space to gather yourself, have a lovely calming time with your ds. A handhold and a hug from me x

@MrsMadderRose

OP here's a (((hug))) for you.

I know you don't know what the outcome will be yet, but many of us have been through similar and taken the step of separating from difficult, needy or abusive men. You don't say enough for it to be clear what his behaviour involves, but it sounds as if it's been very hard for you.

You're not alone, there are lots of us here who know how you feel. Do you have anyone in RL to talk to, or who you could ask to come round? How old is DS?

I have to go out in a bit but I'm sure others will be around to chat to.

DS is 8. He was very down straight after, has asked lots of questions but I've spent a lot of time with him over the past couple of days and have reestablished his home as a safe space. He is back to his usual happy self but obviously will need to watdh him carefully.

Amazingly enough, DH's mum has been very supportive of me and a good ear. I'm a deputy headteacher in a primary school and my headteacher is the only one I've told and has been amazingly supportive and genuinely cares. He made me feel less alone.

I think I've been on adrenaline the past couple of days and now the sadness has arrived

That's great that you have supportive people around. I think it's normal for your emotions to be all over the place and come and go. Can you do (or plan for later) something to be kind to yourself - like a long bubble bath, trashy magazine, or whatever equals relaxing and escapism for you?

Oh gosh, OP. You did the right thing putting your son first. Dad's own 'stuff' isn't a reason for frightening your children. Please make tonight all about you, have a nice bath and put a film on, maybe get a takeaway. Things always seem worse in the gloom of the evening. Whatever you decide to do, you GOT THIS x

Well done putting your son first. If your husband can't learn to work through his difficult upbringing and develop a healthy relationship with his son, he has no place in the household.

Life will get better. Be kind to yourself. Care for yourself as you would a friend in this position but do think about what you want and how you will respond to any approaches he makes. I'm a big fan of pros and cons lists. They may help organise your thoughts? You maybe have a gut feeling too? Can you tune into that? What's it telling you?