is this weird?

[junglefever56]

I need some rational advice and opinion as I dwell on things and get very anxious easily.

DP (now DH) worked with a woman my age (mid twenties, he’s a few years older) who was very attractive and despite no genuine reason, I became very wary of her. I’d say it was my gut but realistically I’ve been funny about any attractive woman (I have recovered from this in the past few years with therapy) because my ex cheated on me with a work colleague (also where I worked!)

I met the woman at the pub about a month into his job (they went every Friday). DP had told me she had a long term boyfriend but from our convo they were on a break. We discussed it and she seemed nice. But she mentioned that my DP had helped her do something with finances (we had just done it ourselves) and it made me feel odd. Again, not actually suspect and DP was being nice.
At the time, I acted quite crazy and asked DP to not be overly friendly and let me know if he hangs out with her again (they’re different departments so would be odd to be always communicating but I meant detailed convos). There was one time where she asked for relationship advice “mr jungle fever would you be mad if Mrs jungle fever did XYZ” and he told me straight away.

On one night out we said hello and she made a comment when I said goodbye that seemed like she was warning me and was weird, but again, I was on high alert around her and didn’t trust her so may have taken something wrong as she had had a drink or two.

So this is the weird bit:

A few years ago now, she started following me on instagram. I found it weird because she doesn’t follow DP, but follows a lot of people so isn’t careful with her follows. She followed me JUST after I’d commented on a colleague’s post that she follows too (DP’s friend at work) and had then commented so I assume she saw my account through there.

She has been nothing but nice, and is now certainly with her boyfriend with animals together and planning for a baby. She still considers her relationship to have been for the past 8 years despite the few months wobble when I met her 4 years ago.

But is it weird that she still has never attempted to follow DP?

Am I overthinking this? I don’t know why it’s playing on my mind.
FWIW, I have OCD so I ruminate a lot.

Definitely sounds like you’re overthinking it
Stop being so possessive

Honestly all the weirdness in your post is coming from you. You say you acted crazy, then you say she was warning you (about what? and why? and obviously if it was a few years ago it didn't mean anything?) and then you've done some very detailed stalking of who follows who on Instagram.

A lot of people don't keep precise track of their follows and it doesn't mean anything anyway. She might have meant to follow him, then forgot. She might be more interested in whatever you post versus whatever he posts. She might like you more as a person! Who knows. It's not worth overthinking about.

@gannett I know. The warning was that I said goodbye and she looked at me in the eye as I hugged her and she said “watch yourself, ok?” In a concerned way. It wasn’t a “watch you get home ok” I can’t remember the exact wording it was like “be careful or you’re going to get hurt” but because she didn’t say those words exactly I’m potentially taking it wrong.

I only know who she follows because it shows you your mutuals. We only have one who is the friend of DP’s who she knows too from work (they all work elsewhere now)

Yes ok maybe I’m just weird. I just find it odd that she would follow everyone so casually (follows thousands) but knowingly doesn’t follow DH (comments on all my posts / we have also spoken over messages!)

FWIW, I would find it weird that she's not following your DH. It's almost conspicuous by its absence, considering she follows so many others.

@mpz731play that’s what I think. I just find it odd. Surely by following me and seeing him in posts you’d naturally just click and follow. I just find it weird. Especially as I think theyre not any less friendly than the colleague she does follow who’s male. All I can think is that she picked up on my weird vibe and is wary to not overstep or if DP had warned her off subtly.

On the flip side, it feels weird to follow me and not him if there was something dodgy going on. Surely he’d tell her to stop/not. However, when she did follow me he asked if I was gonna block her but that was because I had been so irritated by her / shown my dislike. He didn’t really push it or care enough to make me suspicious.

You seem to be overthinking all things here, and imagining all sorts of issues. Might be best if you went off social media for some time, and this woman too by the sound of it.

Well, all I can say is that my ex was not FB friends with a woman he had known for years and who I eventually got suspicious about. After some digging, it turned out she was on his FB messenger, they'd had secret conversations on FB messenger (which he denied, despite that I'd seen her profile pic turn black). You have to ask why on earth wouldn't they be FB friends? Similar to your situation, maybe?

@mpz731play hmm I’m not suspicious of anything over the phone - she is very happy with her boyfriend. I would only be suspicious of the two months where they were on a break and she was seeking advice from DP.
DP doesn’t use Facebook.

He isn’t messaging her. I have full access to all his accounts - I’d know if she had added him or anything.

She’s spoken to me too as if friends. I can’t help but wonder what the reason is. I warned him at the time of the suspicion that he best not add her on insta (I know, I’m awful and I’ve changed)

I can’t help but feel it’s off somehow. I don’t know! I know he stopped being so helpful/ nice because of me and wonder if she thought it would be weird
For all I know she only has their mutual friend because he followed her first / they spoke about it.

So many unknowns - but it does make me feel funny! I like to think she’s a girls girl and wouldn’t do it or would tell me. I don’t know.

Driving myself crazy

Should add DP doesn’t have many on social. He has 200 following and she follows almost 4000. She mainly follows friends and influencers from what I can see. The only colleague I can see she follows is this guy mutual and then a girl she is very close to outside of work as a result.

I too am really curious by her comment when she hugged you, " Watch yourself, ok?"
It's an odd thing to say to someone who doesn't really know you like a family member or friend does?
I know she'd had a drink but still..🤔

@Tiramiwho I actually asked her a while later when she spoke to me about something on Instagram and I casually brought it up. She said she probably meant to get home safe but doesn’t know as she was very drunk.

The only innocent explanation I can think of is that she either accidentally followed me after going to have a stalk when my name came up on our mutuals photo (it was all in such close timing it is too obvious to be coincidence), now feels obligated to continue.

Or, DP may have said that he doesn’t have colleagues on social media and she’s always remembered it. I know they spoke about Instagram before because of our dog being on it and him showing her and others at lunch, and she mentioned the Instagram. But I remember him mentioning him saying something but I’m fairly certain I’d remember if it was something to deter her.
I also realise she follows our dog Instagram account which I think was at that time!

. I warned him at the time of the suspicion that he best not add her on insta (I know, I’m awful and I’ve changed)

Maybe she requested to follow him and he declined as he was too scared of your reaction? Maybe he told her he wasn't "allowed" to follow you on insta?

Sounds like you're overthinking completely snd it also sounds like your very possessive and have an unhealthy relationship

You seriously told him that if she ever communicated with him, he had to tell you? If he's never done anything to deserve this level of mistrust and control I'm surprised he's not ran for the hills

What do you mean when you say you have 'full access to his accounts'?

Do you check them regularly then?

As I would say that is very intrusive and indicative of either an unhealthy relationship or a partner who isn't in the right headspace to be in a relationship due to trust issues.

Not goady - genuine question!

If he has a private account he would have to accept her follow request. Perhaps it's sitting in his requests if he rarely uses it. You only get notified once, I have 100's sitting in mine🤷

Why are you suspicious of her?

Maybe your dh hasn't accepted her as a follower due to your sensitivity about her?

You're overthinking it, stop worrying.

@junglefever56

Should add DP doesn’t have many on social. He has 200 following and she follows almost 4000. She mainly follows friends and influencers from what I can see. The only colleague I can see she follows is this guy mutual and then a girl she is very close to outside of work as a result.

Good God!!!Just block her. She wouldn't notice if she has 4000 other people to look at!! However, if she notices, then you have a problem

Good lord OP. I think you need time away from instagram. As in, forever.

Perhaps she got 'fuck off' vibes from your husband and decided not to follow him.

Perhaps she requested to follow him and he declined. (Most likely)

Maybe he blocked her when you got jealous.