How can we rebuild trust - advise please

[Catlady44]

My ex and I got a quickly divorce during Covid. I did have an emotional affair where I was so lonely that I turned to someone else (a man ) for support by emails etc.
It’s a few months later and we have begun being able to talk - really properly talk things through like we never ever could before.
He is seeing someone but says it’s not serious although he hasn’t broken it off yet but has told her we want to get back together. It’s very strange that she wouldn’t want to walk tbh I would! He feels so guilty for moving on too fast but he is also scared about things not working out with us because he doesn’t trust me and is still hurt.
I’m past that hurt now and I want to do whatever I can to show him I’m in it for the long haul. We have children and I was so upset when he introduced them to her too soon as just a friend but still.
We were horrible to each other but we were under so much pressure, debt, work, kids that I think with counselling and better communication skills we could make things work.

So, he's seeing someone else currently, and feels he can't trust you because you made an emotional connection with someone else previously, which is now over?

Bet you he keeps you both on the go. Can see it already

If he’s serious he needs to finish with her and take rings slowly with you. For your kids sake

The only way you could both try to regain trust and a relationship is with 100% effort from both of you.

That's never going to happen if either of you is dating someone else, is it

So either you're both on the same page with that, or don't bother, because it'll only extend the 'death throes' of your marriage.

So 100% both in or call it a day and draw a line under it. Forge a new relationship as co-parents instead.

That is so right. I don’t think he’s ever dumped anyone I think that might be it. I will try to give him some time as he says he needs to work out the best way to do it and the right thing to do. It’s very hard and I am upset all the time about this.

I divorced him, because he wouldn’t take a break. It has really hurt him. I did shut him out and he was horrible too so we are both at fault.

He's keeping you on the hook in case things dont work out with his current gf.

I can't work out why either of you want to get back together?

I doubt very much that he's told her that you're thinking about getting back together, that's a more difficult conversation to have than dumping someone which could easily be done by text.
Sounds like he's keeping his options open, he's in a relationship and he's also got you doing your best to reconcile.
Is it an ego boost or is he trying to punish you?