Unexpected pregnancy

[LeahPaige]

Hi

My partner and I have recently found out that I am pregnant after taking the morning after pill and we really don't know what to do.

We're 31 and 32, we both work and are financially stable. Our relationship is amazing, he's supportive, fun and understading. But we live an hour apart from each other and have only been together 11 months. I also have a 12 year old son already.

My partner has told me he will support me fully regardless of what I decide and it's ultimately my decision because its my body. He's said he would move to me if we decided to keep it.

I'm a little worried that it's too early into our relationship to have a baby, we've never lived together and what if things don't work out, if I decide to keep it will he end up regretting letting me choose?

Just looking for some words of advice really x

When I met my husband I fell pregnant within six months. We have been together for several years and have more beautiful children.
I'd you find the right person I don't think it matters much on how long you've known them for - he's stuck with me now

I think the key question is this: if things don't work out and he disappears from your baby's life, do you feel able (emotionally, financially etc) to raise this second child alone?

@Calicoqueen thank you for replying. It makes me feel a lot better hearing your story. I think I'm just feeling overwhelmed with making a decision at the moment. My partner has been amazing and so calm I just worry that it might be too much too soon

@Dery oh absolutely I can afford the baby with or without him. But I also don't for one second think he would disappear if things didn't work out. He has 4 nieces/nephews and is so in love with them and actively involved in their lives. He's amazing witb children I don't think he could ever not see one that was his own.

@LeahPaige - well, it all sounds pretty promising to me, apart from having happened sooner than you would have chosen. But something is causing you to hesitate.

I've just properly focused on your question - you've asked: "what if things don't work out, if I decide to keep it will he end up regretting letting me choose?" No-one can predict whether he will or won't regret doing so but in any case, his feeling about it would be on him because he's said he will follow your lead on whether or not to keep the pregnancy.

Presumably what underlies your question is a sense that, by giving you the casting vote on this question, he's essentially making you responsible for an enormous life decision which has massive significance for you and him and perhaps you don't want that responsibility. It's a difficult one, though, because I think he's doing the right thing by saying he will follow your lead; after all, how would you feel if he was insisting that you had an abortion or that you had the baby? That wouldn't sit right with me.

What do you actually want to do? My question was concerned with whether you could manage emotionally as well as financially but you've only answered the financial aspect. What is your gut telling you? Leaving aside that the baby is unplanned and leaving aside questions about what might or might not happen in the future, which no-one can predict, if it was entirely down to you, would you like to have the baby or not? (Sorry - I don't mean you should answer these questions to me but just that reflecting on them might help you with your decision-making. FWIW, if I were in your shoes and based on what you have said, I would be having the baby but I can only speak for what I think I would do, not what you should do, of course).

@Dery thank you for the long reply it's really kind of you to put such thought into a response

In my heart yes I do want to keep the baby, I hope to spend the rest of my life with this man and we had spoken about having children this is just sooner than expected. I think I'm just overwhelmed that if we do keep it then there will be alot of changes very quickly.

"In my heart yes I do want to keep the baby, I hope to spend the rest of my life with this man and we had spoken about having children this is just sooner than expected. I think I'm just overwhelmed that if we do keep it then there will be alot of changes very quickly."

Yes, there will be. And you are taking a chance on things continuing to work well with your partner. But all relationships involve leaps of faith. Timing is rarely perfect and it sounds like there's a lot that's good here. Speaking as a complete stranger looking in from the outside: since you know you could look after the baby alone if it came to that (and it probably won't), it sounds like you would regret terminating the pregnancy more than you would regret having the baby. Does that chime with you?

Good luck in your decision-making, OP.

The other scenario to consider is how would you feel if you had a termination, then later on tried to conceive and were unsuccessful?

@Coldiron this is something we've spoken about today. We said realistically we would probably have tried for a baby in around 9-12 months anyway so this really is just a little sooner than expected

We've made the decision to go through with the pregnancy

You only posted this morning and I’m already over-invested 😀 so I was really pleased to see you’re going to go through with the pregnancy! Congratulations, OP!

Congratulations!!!

@Dery @thehistorymum thank you both!