Break up advice

[cupofchaitea]

I am 24. I have a flat with my boyfriend and have been with him for 5 years. We live in a city 100 miles away from both of our hometowns.

My gran passed away 4 weeks ago. She was a massive part of my life. Because of this I am having to spend Christmas myself as my boyfriend's family suffered a bereavement on Christmas Day and they aren't really having a christmas snd so I would be out of place there which I understand. My mum is also going away for Christmas with her partner. I have friends and other extended family in other countries but I feel it would look as though I am using them as I would never usually spend Christmas with them.

Recently I have realised how few people I have in my life. I have a strange relationship with my mum and no siblings. My dad lives in another country so don't know him that well. I told my boyfriend how I felt and I said that he is the closest thing I have that resembles a family. I just wanted him to be there for me following the loss of my gran but instead he got frustrated with me which made me feel more alone and vulnerable. Because I never really felt comforted. I have been upset about this for the past 3 nights.

Last night he got very frustrated with me. He said I am putting too much pressure on him and he can't give me what I want. He told me that I have broken him and that we were over. He said if we have any chance of repairing what we have I need to move out and we need to start from the beginning. I am willing to do anything to repair this so I have contacted a letting agency. I have apologised profusely but he still seems off with me. At the time I didn't think that was a big ask for a 5 year relationship but now I realise it was and I have probably scared him away. I don't know what to do.

What are your thoughts? How can I make this better?

TIA

What a horrible cold bf you have. Don’t move out. You have every right to be there. You say you have a flat together, did you buy together?

He is a tit. Move on without him.
Xmas day - have a lie in, eat loads of nice food and watch some films. It’s just a day.
People in a house full of relatives can feel lonely too.

@Longdistance

What a horrible cold bf you have. Don’t move out. You have every right to be there. You say you have a flat together, did you buy together?

We rent. I pay half of it. However his name is on the flat

I'm so sorry for your loss, and that your boyfriend is a dick.

If you look for a house share, you might have some company for Christmas. Or even if you're alone as said above just have a lazy day for yourself. Maybe watch films your gran loved and spend some time thinking of the good times with her.

I wonder if he’s using this as an excuse to break up, and putting the blame on you to make him feel better 🤔

What a knob he is for planning on leaving you alone on a day you'd rather have company. I know its just a day for some, myself included, but its a first Christmas for you and that is hard.
If he isn't celebrating it as it is, then surely a chill day eating shit and watching movies together would be good for both of you.

Maybe moving out will probably be a good thing for you in the end, OP. He seems very cold.

Move out and move on don't look back. U r very young and u have that time to move and find someone who is there for u when u need it.

If someone you've been with for 5 years can't be there for you through a bereavement, I'd not be with them.
Move out and move on.
Do what a pp has suggested, spend Xmas day doing all the things your gran would have liked. Grieve for her, it will get better, it just takes time.
I've lost both parents and they were life changing events. I suffered greatly but I remember my dh being there for me in every way possible including picking me up off the floor. Literally.
You're only young, you've got your whole life ahead of you.

Sorry so were you asking him to spend Christmas together or was it the comment about the closest thing to a family that set him off? Thing is you’ve been with him for half a decade and live together so of course he feels like the closest thing given what has happened! I’m very sorry for the loss of your gran, no wonder you were feeling vulnerable and asked for support and comfort.

OTOH Sounds as though he has gotten cold feet about your relationship in general and has reacted by trying to put a massive halt on things. Is he also 24? Perhaps he is worrying about taking things to the next level like marriage and children and doesn’t feel ready so has overreacted.

Given that there has also been a bereavement in his family perhaps his was just overwhelmed and it’s all got too much - but the way he’s gone about addressing this is really unkind. Do you really want to be with him if he’s prepared to accuse you of breaking him for something like this?