How to cope with not being invited

[MissDolly007]

Hi there - I wonder if anyone out there feels as lonely as I do. I’m 47 and no longer have any close friends - I feel people do not like me. I think I’m nice - people say I’m nice - but at the same time I seem to be excluded. Sometimes I think it’s since I remarried a few years ago - which makes me think people do not like my husband. He’s not the most outgoing and I think can come across as arrogant. this weekend there is a party and my son who is 18 is invited, along with his dad and partner (we all get on) I know the lady having the party and my son works for her - but me and my husband are not included. I know it sounds petty, but it’s just another exclusion on top of many others. I do organise things but the invites never get extended back. I thought by my age I would be more content, but I don’t. It makes me feel depressed and anxious and resentful.

Hmmm this is tricky. I think if you always do things as a couple then it may be your partner- what is he like?
However, if you aren't invited out on your own ever then might it be something you say or do? Do you ask others about themselves & listen? Initiate going out for coffee with friends etc?
I wonder if the lady felt it would be awks with you & your ex both at the party & feels she knows them better?

Maybe she's unaware that you and your current husband would be perfectly happy to attend a party with your ex and his partner? I can see that for some people this would not be something they were at all comfortable with.

Do you get invited to things by yourself, or is it more that you aren't invited to things as a couple? Of course, it could be that people feel they need to invite your husband as well as you, and don't like him, if you say he comes across as arrogant? Did you notice a difference when you and he got together compared to during your previous marriage or when you were single?

I do have a good friend whom I only ever see one on one, because her husband is so awful.

Thank you @magicstars - the more I think about it the more I feel it’s to do with my husband. I do get invited out, just not often, and friends have made comments about my husband being ‘quiet’ and ‘introvert’. We do a lot together as a couple but sometimes I think where are his friends? Why aren’t we invited out as a couple? We have good friends who we used to see often yet the last few years it’s only if I organise anything - they never ask us first. It’s even weird on the street where we live - I used to get invited to parties and now not so. I felt fine a few days ago - this party at the weekend seems to of triggered a real sadness in me.

Do you have anyone close enough you can ask? Make it clear that you'd respect their anonymity & wouldn't put them in a situation with your dh.
You could test a few things- invite some friends round for dinner as a couple, or to meet you alone. See if there's a pattern.

Yes - I think I need to know so that would be a good idea. I feel part of the problem is my husband does not go out much at all - then I feel guilty if I’m invited out alone. I’ve actually asked my sons stepmom over for a coffee - I might try and ask her without being too obvious. Thanks you and thank you too @Bathtoy - you have both been helpful.

Do you go when you get invited out alone? And if so do you turn down invites because he’s not invited. I rarely invite partners to things with friends because I want to see them and not their partner.
If I felt like I couldn’t have a good catch up with a friend because their other half was awkwardly sulking in a corner I’d not be inviting them.