I know my father is abusive as a father and a husband, yet it still surprises me and breaks my heart, every time

[ifineverknewyou]

I know he is emotionally abusive and controlling. But on a normal day it's fairly hidden, the day-to-day busyness of life keeps it at bay, and keeps me distracted from it. Then every now and again someone will do something "wrong" and I will see my Dad for who is truly is and it breaks my heart. He is really not a nice man. It surprises me and upsets me, it's like I can't accept it.

Days like today I see him for what he truly is like, it's so upsetting and heartbreaking. But I know tomorrow I will have forgotten this and I'll make him a cup of tea and will be back to thinking everything is fine and normal.

Also want to say that everything is ok, everyone is safe. It's just an argument about something that shouldn't even be an argument.

If you feel this way, why do you keep him in your life? Just because he's your father, that doesn't mean you have to put up with his 'ugliness'.

I'm not being snippy or nasty, it's more of a genuine 'ask yourself' question. We should only have people in our lives who make us happy, or at the very least are 'neutral' to our happiness. But someone who actively makes you unhappy? No.

It's far harder than just asking yourself why.

My mother sticks the knife in so deep and then doubles down on her victimhood and it's hard because she so truly believes that she is the victim of me.

It's hard to just give up and accept their limitations.It's also frustrating.