Told my Mum how I feel for the first time last night...now what???? Bit longish...

[Maidamess]

Last night I sent my mother an email (not the best medium, I know) saying why I thought our relationship was so bad and was making me unhappy.

I said about her preferential treatment of my younger brother and his family, her never coming to visit but expecting us to go there, her jealously of other family members ie inlaws.

I wasn't nasty, but I was truthful. I am now worrying! I am no good at conflict, confrontation and we are not a family that normally tells it like it is!

I feel all this may have come as a bit of a bolt out of the blue altho it has been simmering under the surface for forever.

I am not expecting to ever be best buddies with my mum, we are too different for that. But I want my children held in the same high regard as my brothers, and given the same time.

I think she will think I am just bitter and jealous, and I suppose when you boil it down, I am. But its her reaction I am dreading.

Does any of this make sense? And have you any advice for when she replies??

I'd better add, I'm off to work, so cannot thank you for any replies straight away! xx

Mothers are always the hardest people to talk to IMO. My mum and i had a terrible realtionship and it was only when she passed in 2005 that i wished we had talked openly.
You have made the first step and i would probably send another email later if you get no response just saying you love her very much and dont want to hurt her feelings and maybe arrange to go out for lunch or something to talk openly in a public place about things. Dont let this split you up though. Mums are so precious.

Well done for taking the first step. You may hate confrontation, (which means you were also very brave to do this!) but you must now be prepared to carry on and stick to your guns.

I would guess that your mother's response is likely to be very emotional, especially if this does come out of the blue to her, so you need to be prepared for this, and work out a strategy for how you're going to deal with it. Best to keep it purely factual and unemotional. Avoid generalisation phrases like 'you always...' and 'you never...' and be specific about your examples.

Good luck!

If you want to sugercoat it you could phone her to let her know that you DO love her her, and you have sent the email because you can't ever put your feelings into words when you talk to her.

I have a similar problem but with my elder sister who openly favours my younger sister's children. Although it bothered me in the past, I've never done anything about it. However, the boys are now old enough to notice these things and are getting upset. So I've started reacting to what she does, but am now treated as though I am creating a situation. My elder sister's actions are ignored, but my reaction is criticised. I have no idea what to do about it, but you have my sympathies.

Freckle, I think that is the response I will get (still no reply btw) I will be seen as the problem, as self awareness has never ben my mothers strong point.

Tied in with all this are my feelings towards my younger brother and his wife who openly abuse my mothers goodwill, which means she is never free to see anyone else. Humph!

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