Any of you have a really healthy relationship after an emotionally abusive one

[vanster]

.... and wonder when it's all going to go wrong. I can't believe my luck, literally, after one and a half years together.
Normal ?
Out of marriage three years. He cheated and left us

Emotionally abusive marriage - got out of that one - although we have dc so there's been a lot of negotiation over the years...

Next relationship was an explosion of attraction and passion. But he was financially unstable and ultimately I couldn't risk my financial future or my dc's stability and heart-wrenchingly, I ended it.

Now (and for 24 years) in a lovely, sweet, down-to-earth, stable, equal relationship.

My previous relationships taught me how to communicate about what I wanted,. Is it 'ALL' going to go wrong? No! There might be some times, some events, some situations that cause us to stop and question. Of course there are things about each other that drive us to distraction. But we work out a way through it all.

It's not luck, it's honesty, being authentic to who I am, being communicative.

Yes I agree with communication. I have never felt the ability to be so open and to be heard. I was essentially ignored in my
Marriage. He simply didn't speak
To me and any conversation that I initiated was met with a heavy sigh.
We never stop talking. Light/ heavy and everything in between.
He has an above average salary and is a hard worker not doesn't own his own home. It's the one thing that Inwish he had ... even for financial security.

Yes me. It happens if your with the right person. So pleased for you but never forget how lucky you are. I still need reminding sometimes!

Me! Was with my lazy, controlling, manipulative ex husband for 12 years, then was with a complete cocklodger loser for 2.5 years(he ran off with a friend-good riddance!). Been with my absolutely wonderful DH for over 6 years now and he’s perfect. He’s hardworking, passionate, emotional, romantic, communicative…can’t fault him.

I will definitely try to always appreciate it because I was so lonely in my marriage.Every discussion was seen as an attack and again, he was a lazy, aggressive unhappy man who caused nothing but stress in the home.
Now I have to remember not to be so cynical and mistrusting. I spent the first year of the relationship in disbelief.... I wondered what the catch was ... when would he cheat... when would he start dropping contact ... cancelling plans... stop being affectionate and caring ....still hasn't happened .Ita taken me this long to relax into the relationship with a few embarrassing blips/ insecurities on my part .
He too was in a toxic relationship. They just brought out the worst in each other so he too still sometimes feels like it's a dream in the sense that he is treated with kindness and respect that he was never used to.
I'm hoping that this is pretty normal for us. It's like we've both been so damaged but are healing together if that doesn't sound too corny. Anyone else experience this ?

Yes. I was so cautious, and everything turned out well. He is the most amazing partner and I honestly feel lucky every day! We get married next year after six years together. He was also the one who, as a friend, supported me in leaving through the threats, stalking, police and court cases, before we even remotely began a relationship.

That's s is all lovely to hear.
I try not to load my boyfriend with all the drama of the kids and ex husbands issues but I find myself feeling so comfortable and reassured as he had been through it all in his previous divorce etc.
His advice is solid and fair and his genuine sensitivity and kindness to my children is something to behold even though they only see him sporadically as a friend.

How did you meet?

Yes I had the same thing. Im over most of it now with the help of therapy. I still have contact (kids) with the terrible ex. I have felt suspicion. Hypervigilance. All sorts. With my ex it took a good couple of years before the mask dropped and I realised what kind of man he was and by then I was pregnant. So it kind of skewed my notion of people. It was a genuinely horrifying experience to be so utterly wrong in my judgement of someone. I didnt trust myself any more after that. Its taken a while to gain confidence in my own abilities. none of this was apparent until I entered another relationship, thought I was fine when single, angry but basically ok, then in this it was like a deep fear would overtake me. What if....what if...this is all just for show again. It makes sense looking back because he really did a number on me. Highly deceitful. I realised if I need anything to feel safe its transparency and consistency. Consistency you can only really see over time and ive seen it. Bit by bit I learned to trust it and myself.

@ErickBroch I’m interested in your story about how you met - about how he helped you through leaving and was your friend. I’ve got a friend like this at the moment.