Is the relationship over

[Ivy2006]

Okay so question, how do you know when your relationship is officially done and unsalvageable?

Myself and my partner have been together almost 2 years. We don't share a child but he has raised my daughter from the beginning.

We've definitely had our ups. He fishnet me to trust again after my past relationship and he's very generous and kind.

However, we've had plenty more negatives. He struggles with his insecurities so as a result he can be quite controlling in regards to me going out and seeing friends. When he gets jealous and things worry him, rather than com communicating with me, he'll shout and say horrible things. He'll then sulk and act moody for days.

I think this has caused me to distance myself and put my walls up. I've got to a point now where im not sure if I should just end it or not? How do I know whether I've lost the spark/connection or my walls are you because im worried about getting hurt? Is it something we can try work on or is it best I just be by myself?

I definitely prefer my own company as it's become draining to be around him. I just feel he's like a friend and I've got constant anxiety about telling him any of this as I don't want to hurt him

Yes, it sounds as though it’s over. If you prefer being on your own and find him draining, what’s the point?

Not everyone is capable of being in a mature, rewarding romantic relationship. Just like not everyone can run a marathon or master calculus.

He's insecure, controlling, sulky, jealous, etc. He's not ready to be a proper partner for you. Throw him back in the pond. He'll survive.

Be on your own, this is over really because of the abuse he meets out. It’s far better to be on your own than to be with a man like you are describing. However, he may not let go of you that easily because he likes having you around to abuse. What you’ve been describing here is an abusive relationship.

If you re read your post you have the answer. Its time to move on. Its run its course. No need to have any more reasons to leave other than that is what is right for you. Be strong and be happy to be alone. Far better than the anxiety you are feeling right now. He will be ok.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none and you should not act as some sort of rehab center for such a badly raised man.

You state that you do not want to hurt him but he has never given you that consideration has he?.

I would also suggest you read Lundy Bancroft’s book called Why does he do that? along with the Freedom programme. Your boundaries, perhaps already skewed by previous abuse, are being further eroded by this individual now.

There is no external set of rules that we can tell you about whether your relationship is over. How will you feel in 10 years if you stay with him? Pleased you stayed, or going mad?