Hi all, I know this topic is not new and I have read many similar threads here, but here I am - grateful in advance for your thoughts on my story. Trying to make it as short as I can, I've been struggling in my marriage of 7 years to cope as best as I could with DH's mood swings, anger outbursts, sulking etc, culminating many times with shouting rants, throwing objects around, and a couple of physical moments - shaking me, putting a hand in my throat and punching the wall. These last ones were very singular though. Mostly provoked by trivial issues (such as not finding something around the house, minor breakages, or me insisting to talk over an issue when he was already "in the zone", which I since learned is useless) but also a constant accusation barrage towards me - mostly along the lines of I don't listen and always try to impose my own agenda. Which I consider to be the exact opposite of who I am in my personal and professional life, as I am a positive, calm, rational and friendly person who really hates conflicts and would give up a lot to have peace and harmony around me. Over time I've learned to avoid any triggers as much as possible, not only for my own sake but mostly for DD from previous marriage (13) and DS from this one (6). As we all know, this approach doesn't really work - as soon as you steer clear of a trigger or potential explosive situation, another one is around the corner when you less expect. The twist is that after each of these moments there is a big acceptance of guilt from his side, promises to change and asks from me to forgive him and to allow another chance as he loves us so much and wouldn't want to lose us. My heart has warmed up every time, even after the most awful moments, I've said it loud and clear that there is a point beyond which I will not go, but I seem to always be pushing that point forward instead! In fairness he did make some significant attempts to change, but dropped them at various points along the way. He attributes his issues to childhood physical abuse, which he tried to manage with therapy and medication when younger, but abandoned course after a while as he said it wasn't helping. Said he wants to kill himself a couple of times, and also said he attempted as a child, when the crises were at their worst and got me very worried to the point of wanting to call GP or 999 but I didn't witness any concrete action so I didn't feel like I had a strong basis to place a call and have always tried to persuade him to take action and get professional help instead. He tried to engage with counselling even recently but dropped it after the first couple of sessions as he didn't feel he was listened to or understood. Has been prescribed antidepressants by GP a few years ago, took them a while but then dropped because he says it's not depression, he isn't feeling low (!). These incidents have been frequent enough to have me engage in therapy on my own, consider leaving at least a few times, save money and seek alternative living options (which is not available yet but will soon be). What's always stopped me from taking the step is that when he is not angry or sulking, he is a very good man and father especially to DS who loves him to bits, shows me a lot of affection, genuinely cares about the family and goes to great lengths to fulfill our needs. Whilst leaving would be I think a great relief for DD who never processed the situation fully as she was 7 when I remarried and the issues started early in the marriage after I'd been a single mother all her previous life, it would be a real blow for DS who adores his dad. He was never abusive towards them physically or verbally. We both work full time in quite demanding jobs and have no family support, I've been doing most of the childcare alongside nursery and afterschool club until recently, but in the past six months he's picked up quite a lot especially with DS and this would make the separation even harder. I know there is little to no chance in the long run for material change, but how do I manage to take the leap when things don't seem 100% black and white. I feel any decision I make will affect one of the children adversely. Any advice from you out there who went through similar situation? Do you think there is anything I can do to make things better and save this? I am grateful in advance for your thoughts!