Nuclear ended it and already regret it

[regretitalready]

I've been seeing a guy for over a year. It would never be a full a relationship but it was the best sex I have ever had, I fancied the arse of him, he was always calm and we had some real points of connection with stuff going on in our lives/ interests.

However in many ways he was really bad for me. I realised he was a habitual liar and had deliberately lied to me when we first met so I would go out with him. He lied a lot about small things and bit things. He would cancel a lot at the last minute. He continued to do things that I told him upset me. Ultimately, he made me feel invisible to him. And I finally decided this was bad for me.

I ended it in a really nuclear way at the weekend after he cancelled at the last minute, again. I went nuclear to make sure I couldn't be weak again and take him back, as he wouldn't want me back.

I already regret it. I am very lonely and he was someone I could text about little things from my day, someone I could talk to about things I have no-one else to talk to about. Someone who would hold me.

I never thought I would be in the position where I would rather have someone who was often crap than no-one at all. But I am now thinking, I wish I had just sucked up the crap for the stuff I got from him.

@Timmytoo your post really resonated with me. @gentlemanjay I get it. I don’t want to be with that person my rational brain understands that’s not a good option at all. But yes I think I was addicted to the chemistry

Hi there, I'm just chiming in to say he sounds like a real arsehole, well done for ending it.

And really if what you valued from him was having someone to message with about your day, you can get that kind of interaction from friendly supportive strangers online (like here for e.g.)
Your kids Won't always be young and dependent, and when they're not you won't be tied to a knob like this man and can go out and look for someone who deserves you.

Again: well done, the nuclear option was correct in this case!

I never thought I would be in the position where I would rather have someone who was often crap than no-one at all. But I am now thinking, I wish I had just sucked up the crap for the stuff I got from him

OP - pick yourself up, have a cup of tea, play some good music, & remember -
FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS.

Right now, after an emotive end to a fling with an unsatisfactory man, you are feeling cut up & vulnerable. That's a natural, but temporary feeling. You are not vulnerable, you are the strong woman who chose a tactical retreat while blowing up the bridge back to any further damage.

That means you are not someone who will tolerate a crap relationship over the fear of going solo. You're simply someone who feels a bit low, because fact is - you didn't tolerate it, this vulnerable feeling will pass, & you are a bad-ass who won't allow herself to accept unsatisfactory men.

OK?

@ChargingBuck

I never thought I would be in the position where I would rather have someone who was often crap than no-one at all. But I am now thinking, I wish I had just sucked up the crap for the stuff I got from him

OP - pick yourself up, have a cup of tea, play some good music, & remember -
FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS.

Right now, after an emotive end to a fling with an unsatisfactory man, you are feeling cut up & vulnerable. That's a natural, but temporary feeling. You are not vulnerable, you are the strong woman who chose a tactical retreat while blowing up the bridge back to any further damage.

That means you are not someone who will tolerate a crap relationship over the fear of going solo. You're simply someone who feels a bit low, because fact is - you didn't tolerate it, this vulnerable feeling will pass, & you are a bad-ass who won't allow herself to accept unsatisfactory men.

OK?

Thank you so, so much for this. That made me smile and tear up! It really means SO much Thank you for the encouragement!

@regretitalready

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate it. I actually feel like crying because everyone has been so supportive

If you are somewhere private ... you go on & have a good cathartic cry OP. If not, have another read tonight when the kids are tucked up, & let it all out. You don't need to be bottling this up - crying is healing.

Oh! - & he's a prick, well done for leaving

You will never be happy with a liar, no matter how casual you make the relationship. They undermine your sense of self with every lie - it's the disrespect & manipulation. It's impossible to maintain equilibrium with a liar. Plus, you never know if they're telling the truth, even about a bus timetable.

You will never be happy with a liar, no matter how casual you make the relationship. They undermine your sense of self with every lie - it's the disrespect & manipulation. It's impossible to maintain equilibrium with a liar. Plus, you never know if they're telling the truth, even about a bus timetable

This is all so true.

I’m sure you won’t feel like this after a bit of time. I’ve ended things with someone in that manner before and then felt like begging them to take me back. Now I look back and think what the heck was I thinking even being with them! As you pretty much say yourself you did it because you knew this person wasn’t right for you.

Well done!!

You now have a vacancy for when someone worthy of you comes along!

Well done for going nuclear, he was a prick and you deserve better!
You are definitely stronger than you think, because just look, you've ended a bad relationship! It's going to feel bad before it gets better, but don't be afraid to reach out for support when you feel ready. You may find there's more around than you realised.
If you need an excuse for a good cry tonight, stick a soppy film on.

He deffo sounds like an arse…. Well done you for not standing for that bullshit!