Is it me?

[HermioneRuby1]

Today whilst getting ready to eat out for dinner DH was using the hair clippers on his head and gave me them asking me to do the back. I not realising he meant just shape the back by accident started to go up the back of his neck and the clippers were on 0 so took a chunk out of his hair. Immediately I stepped back and stopped as realised and immediately said oh my god I'm so sorry & he went absolutely ballistic. He started swearing and shouting and throwing things and slamming to doors, one so hard a mirror fell off the wall. He blended his hair (it's very short shaved all over anyway) going shorter and it's not noticeable. He wanted to still as was a family thing on his side and I needed to put my face on as I had no right to be upset as it was him who looked stupid.
On occasion when he's got pissed off he gets like this and I know he would never hurt me but his manner is so aggressive and I can't talk to him about it as he says it's my fault.
Not sure why I posted this tonight, I guess I often (am very menopausal) recently feel like I'm struggling with usual stresses of fitting everything in and sometimes getting overwhelmed and I felt like this made me feel so worthless and like I had failed again and I guess I wanted to know if others felt this type of reaction was justified.

No and Never.

His behaviour is unacceptable.

I once did the exact same thing to my then boyfriend… after an initial look of horror he laughed and everyone we saw for the next few weeks all had a giggle at the tale of me making the mistake and him having to shave his head. All good natured and he handled it like an adult.

This sounds like thier are deeper issues if he regularly makes you feel this way, blames you and becomes aggressive

His anger is abusive and must be very stressful to live with.

It sounds awful.

I would find that terrifying.

Have you children?

Ringing Womens aid to chat would be good for you.

This is not normal behaviour.

No. That is abusive behaviour. Swearing and shouting at your partner is never ok, especially not with throwing things too!

Also how on earth were you supposed to know what “do the back” meant?! What happened was 100% his fault and he is gaslighting you.

This is all very clearly emotional abuse and I hope you find the strength to leave.

you can excuse a wee bit angry/upset. especially with an apology after. This was not a wee bit upset though.

@HermioneRuby1 I accidentally did this to my ex husband. I felt so bad. I had been giving little trims and touch ups for years but when I was handed the device I failed to notice the guard.

He didn’t get mad at me. Bless him. I was confident and took a big sweep as I was used to doing. So we had to shave his whole head.

He knew I felt bad. Even a little hissy would have been ok, but he didn’t have it.

Even though we are divorced I still feel bad about my mistake… I think it was because he didn’t act like an asshole about it. He knew I wouldn’t do that on purpose. This guy on the other hand is going to make you feel glad about it in time if he keeps up.

Nothing about this is normal or acceptable. Why are you living like this?

Unacceptable

If he was not communicating to you what he wanted you to do with regards to his hair, it is a little bit his fault here and also why is he placing this responsibility on your shoulders instead of a barbers? Things like this happen, I get him being upset over it but the hair will grow back, any outburst or violence like this does not leave a relationship secure or happy. Am I right in thinking you may have accepted or normalised his behaviour for so long that you no longer feel the huge red flags he is displaying that you need permission to feel the way you do about his latest violence?

I spent my best years with a total terror and bully. I never knew if I was putting foot wrong or if I had done something wrong. Please take good care of yourself and no one on this planet has the right to treat you badly, no one

Yes, it's you.

I never understand this 'Is it me?' question; the logical progression of the thought is that if it's you, you should ignore, dismiss, minimise your feelings. That if it's you, it's just you 'being silly' or 'over reacting' or 'being too sensitive'.

These feelings that you have, they are you, and if you dismiss them, you dismiss yourself; your core self; your heart. It's the ultimate self-disrespect.

So he makes you feel worthless. Does anybody else make you feel like that, or just him? You feel like you failed. Do you feel like that when you interact with others, or is it just him?

He sounds awful op. There's no excuse for anger or aggression.

I took a chunk out of DP's hair before after telling him I didn't want to cut it in case I mess it up.

We both laughed and he let me try and sort it out. Then he wore a hat for a few weeks...

Thats a normal reaction.