Arguing

[Mummoffonee]

Hi,

I had an argument with my partner the other night and it got out of control. He got quite aggressive towards me. We had been drinking. The next morning I woke up with a black eye. I’m not sure what to do now. I feel completely heartbroken as I love him very dearly. We have been together for 3 years. Any advice?

Given the way the OP is written you don’t seem to know why you have a black eye. But you know you were subjected to a drunk aggressive man. Whether he hit you or you were too drunk to remember another cause, this man wasn’t looking after you.

End the relationship and work on reducing or giving up alcohol.

What has been his reaction since?

So he got so aggressive, you ended up with a black eye?

You need to leave.

You thought you loved him but now that you know he can't love you and can easily hurt you, you no longer love him right?

It was all just a blur I didn’t realise what was happening until after.

He started to cry when he saw me. Later that day he said to me “I’m not using it as an excuse but you did wind me up”.

I have been violent with him before but have since gone to the drs to sort myself out. So he thinks it’s justified. I feel the difference is I don’t have the same strength he does. He can easily overpower me.

He’s staying away for a few days to give me some space.

Violence on both sides? Heavy drinking? This relationship is over

You both sound toxic being violent against each other. Relationships like this really have no future.

Separate, seek professional help, reduce or stop your drinking, get yourself in healthy place mentally first before you embark on any new relationship.

You need to split up.

He thinks it's OK to give you a black eye if you wind him up. Saying it isn't an excuse, doesn't change the fact it totally is an excuse.

Whatever else is going on, that's just telling you that he feels entitled to be violent towards you.

Hopefully there are no children in this relationship.
It is toxic op - sadly you do need to separate- him claiming you wound him up isn’t acceptable - well you can wind people up but they should be able to communicate this and he should walk away.
Alcohol needs to be removed from your lives.
Why do you want to stay with him - look up trauma bonding?
You have an opportunity whilst he’s away to tell him it’s over. He may not accept this and his behaviour may escalate - increased pleading, threats of suicide, or he may get more violent.
You can go to the police and report him.
You can contact women’s aid.
You can go on An alternative to violence course - in the uk.
You have choices op.
Is this the first time he has assaulted you.
It does sound very toxic - it’s no way to live.

It's clear from your username you have a child.

End this relationship. Whether the child is his or not, end it.

No child should grow up under the same roof as such a toxic relationship. It's hugely damaging to them.

He's hit you, and he thinks it's justified.

That's all you need to know.

If you've hit him before and you were responsible adults, you would have terminated the relationship at that point. It doesn't just open the 'Violence is now allowed in this relationship' gate.

Leave this relationship. Focus on getting yourself and your approach to relationships sorted out.

And good luck; this whole thing will come from your childhood... the way your parents treated each other, the way they treated you. So you're off the hook: it's not your fault. It is, however, your responsibility to stop it in its tracks, right now. If it happens again, you will be at fault, because you didn't leave at this point. It will affect you going forward, and it will affect your child. Do what you need to now. It will hurt like hell but it won't do as much damage as staying. I was the child in this situation. I love my mother dearly, but I will never forgive her for staying, and keeping me in that toxic environment.