Hi, first time poster here.
I don’t know what to do or who to turn to.
I have a 3.4 year old daughter and 9 month old identical twin boys. I live in an island in the west coast of Scotland.
Husband works 38 hours a week and his days off change each week. I have been working various jobs since the twins turned 6 months as maternity pay was ridiculously low at that point. I was turned down for benefits as my partner earns just over the threshold and we own our own home. It would cost around £8 per twin for childcare where we live, so £16 an hour and if I had gone back to work I would have only earned £10 an hour. Partner jokingly told me straight out that he wouldn’t tolerate me being a SAHM and that I had to contribute in some way.
So for the last 3 months I have been taking the children with me on cleaning jobs. I do around 8 hours per week cleaning at my local community hall. I can do anything between 10-15 hours a week changing beds/ cleaning at a local bunkhouse. I spend 4 hours a week cleaning holiday cottages and then I go to work cleaning a distillery in the evenings while husband is home and settles the kids down for bed. (10 hours a week) Just to say that although I am working with the kids, they are usually in a play pen and kept away from anything that could harm them, cleaning products etc and I only use natural products to prevent them inhaling any nasties. I also prioritise them/ feed/ play with them at work when necessary. I fee quite privileged that my employers allow me to do this, if would most likely not be allowed I lived in a more built up place.
So I can spend around 25-30 hours a week cleaning with the kids then 10 hours in the evenings.
We have separate bank accounts and we’ve always split the bills evenly amongst us. I am currently paying the council tax, gas, internet, and I pay for the car insurance, while OH pays mortgage/ car finance/ electricity.
Anyway long story short I am utterly exhausted taking the twins with me to work. They are mostly breastfed and each wake up at least 6 times a night!! It’s insane. Things came to a head and I have been starting huge fights with my OH about how I can’t cope anymore and how I am going to give up working all together. He then had the audacity to say I’d be sitting around doing nothing all day, watching tv and not playing with the twins while our daughter is at nursery.
I really have been keeping my shit together, I cook most of our meals from scratch, I keep the house clean and tidy and the kids are bathed almost every evening before I head back out to work. We have no family here on the island and no one we know well enough to mind the kids.
I am so busy between work, home and the kids I have completely lost myself. I literally do not have time to even brush my hair or spend more than a few minutes at the toilet.
Suggestions please, I know I should probably leave but I want my kids to grow up with their dad. We do show a lot of love for one another but he just doesn’t see how much I do and how I am burning myself out, I don’t want the kids picking up on my stresses.