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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

AIBU to approach random guy!

53 replies

Yellowghost · 30/10/2021 19:12

Good evening everyone. I know threads like this go down quite well on here so thought I would ask what others think!
Been single for years and well out of practice with approaching men. Last night I went to a Halloween event, the type with actors playing a part. Well the actor guy caught my eye! I have very easily found his social media profile.
My question is, would it be acceptable to send this guy a message, with him knowing full well I have shamelessly stalked him on the Internet to find him!

Two options:

Fuck it, what have you got to lose?

Or don’t bother, I will make a right tit of myself and look like a nutter?

OP posts:
samesign · 30/10/2021 22:04

Just send him a message such as I really enjoyed your act at last nights event 💓 try and get a convo going.

lovelychops · 30/10/2021 22:05

Send him a message! It's the modern age this is how people get in touch these days. Why not??? I think he will be flattered if he's not interested no big deal. Go for it

Original poster
Yellowghost · 30/10/2021 22:39

I’m going for it! Will keep you updated!!

OP posts:
NewYearDear · 30/10/2021 23:30

Go for it! Nothing to lose (dented pride or a little embarrassment perhaps?). My friend slipped her number into the hand of a guy in her train carriage last week. He messaged her to say he was happily married but it had made his day to be approached by such a pretty lady and wished her well. I thought that was rather fun!

Aprilx · 31/10/2021 06:11

I think it is creepy. I doubt people would be saying go for it if you were the male and the actor was female.

raymondanddebra · 31/10/2021 06:34

F

Cuntness · 31/10/2021 07:11

Genuinely intrigued as to how you found him so quickly if you didn't even speak to him. Did you at least find out his name and find him that way? Or did you go via the social media page for his work and look for photos of him?

If it's the latter, it might come across as a bit creepy.

Feelingofftoday · 31/10/2021 07:18

If you didn't speak to him and got no solid vibe from him then it would be v creepy to contact him out of the blue.

Cringeworthy in fact. Unless you're 13?

trevthecat · 31/10/2021 07:21

O would absolutely go for it! You have nothing to lose

Feelingofftoday · 31/10/2021 07:29

@trevthecat

O would absolutely go for it! You have nothing to lose
Except dignity

Also think of it from his point of view. Not all men are gagging for strange women to proposition them

You may make him feel really uncomfortable to do his job in future. It's just not fair on him.

WinoLino · 31/10/2021 07:54

Ha ha ha I love Mumsnet.

People on here live the versions of themselves that they are ashamed they don't/can't live in real life.

Suggesting that "it's not fair on him" is really dramatic.

Also, hitting on someone at work?! Please. He's not at work and quite a high percentage of people meet at work I would think, it's not realistic that people don't act on attraction in this way.

Mumsnet really is a different world Grin

Feelingofftoday · 31/10/2021 08:09

@WinoLino

Ha ha ha I love Mumsnet.

People on here live the versions of themselves that they are ashamed they don't/can't live in real life.

Suggesting that "it's not fair on him" is really dramatic.

Also, hitting on someone at work?! Please. He's not at work and quite a high percentage of people meet at work I would think, it's not realistic that people don't act on attraction in this way.

Mumsnet really is a different world Grin

I work in an industry where women (and men) are in the public eye.

They get a lot of hassle from randoms and it's just weird.

I'd assume the same would be true for men . They probably get it a lot less and the dynamic is different but it's still a rando ogling them, stalking them and invading their personal space.

Milomonster · 31/10/2021 08:10

Nothing to lose. Message to say you enjoyed his performance.

chocolatecerealcampingbrekkie · 31/10/2021 08:12

I wouldnt. He probably has an equally gorgeous wife/ girlfiend / boyfriend.

yossell · 31/10/2021 08:16

Can't you go to his next show and strike up conversation there?

MrsJackWhicher · 31/10/2021 08:17

You could find out when that company are next performing and go with friends(so you don’t lookalike alone weirdo stalker😁) and get chatting saying how you recommended to friends, or even better get a friends to chat to him and say how you recommended the event (not specifically him!) and see if you can get talking. If he is interested he can then ask you.

PaulaTrilloe · 31/10/2021 08:21

Maybe go to another event run by that Production company? Or even consider getting a "quote" to hire a similar event for your own do?. A friend of mine did this for her job and ended up marrying one of the dancers!!!!

chocolatecerealcampingbrekkie · 01/11/2021 21:49

Op, what's happened? Any updates for us?

Theuniverseandeverything · 01/11/2021 21:53

I think it’s fine. Why not?

LadyEloise1 · 27/01/2022 20:08

@Yellowghost
Any update please ?

curmudgeonly007 · 27/01/2022 20:18

@Aprilx

I think it is creepy. I doubt people would be saying go for it if you were the male and the actor was female.
Yep, would be seen as cyber stalking
greasyshoes · 27/01/2022 22:50

As a man, I would prefer it if women sent messages to men they liked, even if they were complete strangers. The problem with men doing the approaching on our end is that it often comes off as "creepy," so there are really negative social implications there. When women approach men, it completely removes "creepyness" from the equation.

Original poster
Yellowghost · 28/01/2022 21:20

No update! I decided against it, the comments on here put me off!

OP posts:
LadyEloise1 · 29/01/2022 00:07

Well thank you for that update that you didn't contact him

nosnos · 29/01/2022 02:17

This