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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Mum tum

14 replies

skinnycat89 · 30/10/2021 18:49

Hey everyone not been on for a while but from my last post I finally left my ex who put me threw hell with cheating etc

It's been 4 months and I have started seeing Someone new met on tinder but I roughly new him from when we was teenagers he lovely and is making me smile after such a long time ... but I am so paranoid about my mum time I am roughly a size 12/14 but av had 3 children and my lower belly is what I feel like a saggy pouch do men get put off by this should I ask him if he finds it off putting I also have stretch marks and I hate looking at myself lol X

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 30/10/2021 19:05

I don't want to rain on something nice op but maybe you're not in ythe best place to date yet etc? Everyone has body insecurities but i would never think ask a partner if he had a problem with something about my appearance.

Was your ex abusive? Because abusive partners often train us to reveal our insecurities (and then use them against us).

If you're just 4 months out of a hellish relationship, whats the rush to get into something else? Why not take some time to regain your self confidence?

Could you put the breaks on and just treat him as a friend for now whilst you regain your self confidence? The last thing you should do is date when you are still vulnerable.

Pinkbonbon · 30/10/2021 19:08

But for future reference if a little mum time puts him off then he was not the one for you. I bet he has his own hang ups he is worried about showing you too.

Date to see if a person is right for you. Not to prove you are right for them.

Pinkbonbon · 30/10/2021 19:08

*mum tum

VitalsStable · 30/10/2021 19:12

I think the majority of men are just happy to be able to feel a real life woman!

legalseagull · 30/10/2021 19:14

I'm pretty sure by the time you've got your clothes off he'll just be thrilled there's a naked woman in front of him!!!!

I think we too easily focus on one thing we hate about ourselves and it isn't how the man sees us at all. They see the whole package, your whole body, not just one small part

meadowbleu · 30/10/2021 19:17

Top tip OP, never point out your own perceived flaws as beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder and it's not all based on looks. A little confidence goes a long way. Remember that please.

Arren12 · 30/10/2021 19:18

He won't care op and if he does he's not worthy of seeing you naked of of your time. Be confident you are beautiful because you are.

Yummymummy2020 · 30/10/2021 19:24

I feel the same about mine and if I was in a new relationship I would be the exact same as you so I understand. Not speaking from experience but i believe other people are correct saying stuff like that is rarely noticed!

DivorcedAndDelighted · 30/10/2021 19:34

Don't ask him about it. The off-putting thing is not usually that we have imperfect bodies, but making a big deal of them. Pointing out your own perceived flaws will be a turn-off for many. I bet you don't expect his body to be perfect, do you? Just don't mention it and focus on what you are happy with.

5128gap · 30/10/2021 20:31

If he is a similar age to you, its probably not the first time he's slept with a woman who has had children, so I doubt it will be something he's not seen before and won't be expecting. Just like you probably don't expect to see a perfect six pack when he takes his clothes off.

Original poster
skinnycat89 · 30/10/2021 20:36

Thanks for all the reply's I appreciate everyone one reply's I don't want to put brakes on it we only see each maybe two times a week and are just enjoying each other company I think am so paranoid about it is because he so so thin I don't want to squash him lmaoo xx

OP posts:
2catsandhappy · 30/10/2021 23:26

He will be so amazed that he has a warm, soft, intoxicating woman in his arms he won't even notice.

Enjoy the flirting and the smiles. Clearly he has liked you for a long time.
Never point out a self perceived fault. Never. You are a Goddess. Voluptuous, sexy, full of secrets and mystery. The very scent of you is a thrill. Your lightest touch is an erotic charge.
Buy some indulgent swanky high waist pants if you want to. Or not.

And condoms. And mints.Grin

Jasmine00 · 31/10/2021 07:52

I've had 3 kids and lost 5 stone so my mum tum is not only a pouch but it's so wrinkly too. I've been with a few guys since leaving my ex and I've always just texted 'remember, I have had 3 kids' type of thing which for me has helped as a kind of pre warning, but have to say none have bothered and one actually said he liked it as he liked me so much and it was part of me. I've actually bothered about it less and less since, just after leaving ex I was so paranoid about it!
Good lighting goes along way and if theres a body part you like about your self try and accentuate that more. Good luck

Original poster
skinnycat89 · 31/10/2021 10:23

2catsandhappy I love your reply thank you put a smile on my face

Jasmine00 same here I did message him last night after a couple of wines and his reply was sweet so I don't think I had anything to worry about. I have 3 kids too oldest being 14 youngest being 6 and my belly always been a hang up of mine but it is what it is right now Xx

OP posts:
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