Why does he do this? 🙄

[SailorJayne]

Does anyone else’s DP follow them around in an argument and not leave you alone?

We’ve just had a row over him lying about our financial situation (once again) and when I’ve told him to leave me alone he’s followed me and told me to “be an adult and stop hiding away.”

First off, I’m incredibly short tempered and can turn pretty nasty, I’d out fight him any day of the week. But at the moment I’m pregnant and I’m sick of getting riled up even more because he won’t let me cool off! He just follows me when I walk away and ask him to leave me alone and he won’t go until I explode at him which I don’t need to be doing right now! The worst thing is we had this conversation this morning about how I don’t want to shout and argue and he agreed saying he wouldn’t want the baby to be able to hear that, so what’s the pissing difference now?!

I’m incredibly short tempered and can turn pretty nasty, I’d out fight him any day of the week

Would the situation be different if this changed? You might need to take some responsibility here rather than blaming it all on him.

Different people resolve conflict in different ways. It's disrespectful to turn nasty, and it's disrespectful to follow somebody who wants to be left alone.

Have you sat down when things are calm and talked through this pattern with him? If not, what stops you?

@TheFoundations

Agreed. The op seems to think because she has admitted it, then it is okay.

I suffered my partner saying

I don't want to talk about it
or
Just walking away.

Nothing hot resolved and it infuriated me. I generally like to say my bit, say how I feel, talk about it and move on.

Getting short tempered is something she needs to work on so they can discuss things. Her partner may be infuriated because she walks away.

Op. I'm not saying it is all your fault but it feels like or it would to me that you are shutting down.

Bother if you need to learn how to communicate and resolve in these situations.

I understand where you’re coming from with my temper, it’s not something I’m proud of and I am trying to control it but it’s incredibly difficult to stop when I’ve asked for some space. I can’t sit and talk calmly when emotions are all over the place, I need 5 minutes to cool down and regain a level head. The thing is though is he is quite similar, not so much with the temper as he’s mostly quite timid but he doesn’t say rational things until he’s calmed down and ends up saying things he later has to apologise for (same with me) and we did eventually discuss this yesterday that an argument won’t be resolved with shouting and rilling each other up. I think it’s something we both really need to work on.

In regards to finances, we are now going to open a joint account to avoid this. He doesn’t gamble at all as I have had looks at the statements, he just does silly things such as take new loans out to pay others without telling me when his wage does cover his debts already, he’s just not particularly smart with budgeting what’s left which I’m trying to help him do. This is why food shops are left to me to determine what we actually need at a cost that is reasonable, he was brought up by two very well off parents and turns his nose up to places like Aldi and Lidl so it’s difficult to get this across to him when I say we don’t need everything to be branded and food is food, especially since my line of work at the moment doesn’t pay very much. (Before anyone says “get a better job then” it’s not so easy when you’re visibly pregnant and was made redundant from your decent job before the workplace even knew that you were pregnant 🙄 I have tried and had many interviews for jobs that I’m over qualified for but nobody wants to hire the pregnant lady)

A joint account will give him the power to fuck up your credit rating as much as his own. And it means there will be no money that is safe from him.

Are you sure about this?

He tells you lies and when he is challenged instead of being up front and answering your questions he challenges you back and shifts the blame.

he was brought up by two very well off parents and turns his nose up to places like Aldi and Lidl so it’s difficult to get this across to him when I say we don’t need everything to be branded and food is food, especially since my line of work at the moment doesn’t pay very much

So he's an adult, but he's incapable of spending within your means as a couple, and you think that opening a joint account will fix this? How? Surely that will just mean that he has money of yours to spend in Waitrose as well as money of his own, when you both need to be economising?

I don't understand why combining your finances with someone financially irresponsible and immature is something you see as a positive step or solution? Please rethink this decision!

[quote SailorJayne]@FlowerArranger Excuse me? How dare you say that, I’m perfectly capable of bringing up a child thank you very much as I raised my brother at a young age with very little to get by on. This is about an argument and my partners financial situation, not our “incapability” to raise a child. There’s opinions and then there is being judgemental and rude. I’m sorry that the sun seems to shine out of your ass and that you may have never experienced an argument before but some of us live in the real world.[/quote]
Beautiful response OP