Thinking about separation/divorce whilst pregnant

[Fairycakes86]

Hi all

I think my marriage is heading towards separation/divorce. I am 14 weeks pregnant. I know my H will want to be involved in the child's life. I have a flat 2 hours away that I'm currently renting out, and would want to move back there eventually. I don't have any family or friends near to where we have a house now (jointly owned by H and myself).

The relationship has got to the point where I don't think we can live together anymore. My plan would be to stay in our current house, suggest he moves out somewhere close by until the baby is 6 months, so he can see the baby regularly. I'll ask my mum to come to stay with me for a while. Then do a shared custody arrangement with me living in my flat and him living in the town we live in now.

2 hours seems very far though - would this arrangement work (now and in the long term - I don't know how that would work, with nursery and school)? What do I need to think about to cope with the latter stages of pregnancy and the newborn phase - what kind of things will I need help with?

Thank you!

I think you're being a bit naive and optimistic that he will just fall into line with your plans. Firstly, will he just move out of his home cos you think it's best? Will you expect him to continue paying towards the mortgage while also paying rent? Secondly, would he be okay with you taking his (not just your) 6 month old baby 2 hours away from him? Would he take you to court to stop you? Will it be easy to evict your tenants? Thirdly, will your mum be able to drop everything in her life to come stay with you?

So far, your ideas are all best case scenario planning. You need worst case scenario planning too. Would it be best for you to move 2 hours away before the baby is born (he can't stop you then)? What's going to happen if he refuses to pay the mortgage? What will happen if he refuses to move out?

Yes I agree it's best case scenario. In fact probably the real best case would be to abort, but I really don't want to do that.

He's mentioned during the last argument about him moving out, but I don't know his longer term plan. I could suggest paying for the mortgage and rent jointly. The reason for moving back to my flat is so we can sell this house and lower expenses, so it's not a bad idea to move out earlier. Tenants moving out would not be a problem.

The reason for staying in the house would be so he can see the baby easier for those first 6 months as I want them to have a relationship. However, I see what you mean about moving earlier. I don't know about court and I don't know what he thinks about me moving away... I'm gearing up to have a talk with him about it, so thinking of all the options at the moment.