I've left my husband of almost 6 years.
My mind is that messed up that I can't figure out if he is an abuser. Deep down I know he is.
He's a gambling addict thought won't admit he has a problem.
He's shouted at me for things that wouldn't normally be a thing.
In the early days, my dc every now and then would say or do something that would really irritate him. And he wouldn't speak to me for days because I didn't punish them for it. It was never anything that needed a punishment and I don't agree with punishing children.
My mental health has been at an all time low. I called him yesterday crying to tell him how I felt. He said he was annoyed I had called him at work. He couldn't be there for me. He couldn't be doing with it and he wasn't the person to talk too. He lost a parent to suicide (a huge part of why he is like his is but refuses therapy) and this is his reason for being annoyed at me.
I don't work. Im a carer for my eldest dc. All he does is tells me he goes to work. He leaves the house at 7.10 and doesn't get back until 5.30. He does nothing to help me around the house which I don't expect as I'm at home but even things like taking his plate away. Everything is done by me.
He doesn't show me any love or affection. He asks me to rub his feet which I do. I ask him to rub my back....he won't. He's been at work all day and he's tired. He works in construction and yes it's a demanding and stressful job. He brings the money in. I don't expect what I get as a carer.
I'll probably fall asleep now - im so tired I haven't slept for days and I realise im projecting but just wanted to start a thread before I go to bed.
Im at my mums now. I've left. I hated the atmosphere at home. I hated him snapping at me. I hated that we have to watch football every single night. So I would go to bed and he would moan at me.
I felt so worthless even though I do everything.
I'll explain more tomorrow when im more with it x