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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Newly separated

13 replies

Flipflop148 · 29/10/2021 19:38

Hi my partner said he wants us to separate last weekend. Fast forward a week and the house is on the market and we've got someone viewing it tomorrow morning. This has all blindsided me and it's like I don't know him at all anymore! He's so detached and unemotional about it all. Does anyone have any words of advice as to how the hell to get through this? We've been together 20 years and 2 children. Thank you- I feel lost.

OP posts:
Jesskir89 · 29/10/2021 22:14

So sorry op that must be hard. Is there any chance there's someone else?

catwhispererpsps · 29/10/2021 22:20

I would say there's someone else if it's happened all of a sudden.
Terrible shock for you but you deserve someone better if he can turn his back on you like that.

1MillionDollars · 29/10/2021 22:24

There might be not be someone else. I've just split after 12 years+kids. I think for me I knew it wasn't working for a long time. I have no feelings for my ex, I'm just glad I'm out. I know that doesn't make me look good or make you feel better. Lots of people get blindsided because we all carry on and some are better at pretending than others.

Advice. None really, you're probably experiencing shock, like a death.

I don't know what to say to you apart from it will be hard but it WILL get better.

Take care.

lisaandalan · 29/10/2021 22:57

Bless you, everything happens for a reason and one day you will be blissfully happy and realise why this happened. X

SunflowerTed · 29/10/2021 23:00

Sounds like he has somebody else. Sorry op

litterbird · 29/10/2021 23:06

I absolutely hated this bit when my partner suddenly left and became someone I hardly knew. There was someone else. I never knew, neither did I know he was unhappy with our relationship. He hid it well and when he had hooked the new one in I was abandoned. OP, I feel for you and there is nothing you can do but get it over with and let the house be sold, get settled somewhere else and grieve the end of everything. He is moving forward fast as he already has done his grieving and letting go in the previous months. It’s going to hurt and confuse you for a while but you must get support from your friends and family to get through this.

Alexandria94 · 30/10/2021 01:00

Wow, that is a very fast turn around. I'm sorry OP, this must be very hard and I imagine you haven't even got your head around the shock of it.

It seems like something he may have been planning for a while if he has moved so fast over the space of a week. Maybe as the weeks go by you will start to evaluate how he has been acting over recent months/weeks and you may realise that he has been acting in an unusual way in the build up to this news.

Do you have family or friends who can support you through this?

blisstwins · 30/10/2021 01:36

Very similar happened to me and my best advise is to feel it all. It is a surreal horro, but it passes. I am a little more than 4 years out and though I still have moments of what happened and feel rage that my life was a lie, I thank God I am out. It was a blessing and I am much happier now. Leon on friends and family. It is cruel and abnormal to blindside and your turnaround is nuts.

Salayes · 30/10/2021 09:06

One week is a very short space of time to put the house on the market. Do you co-own the house? Do you have children together?

If he’s rushing you into financial decisions that affect you I think you need to try and put the brakes on and get time to think and consider your position.

Salayes · 30/10/2021 09:07

@Salayes

One week is a very short space of time to put the house on the market. Do you co-own the house? Do you have children together?

If he’s rushing you into financial decisions that affect you I think you need to try and put the brakes on and get time to think and consider your position.

Sorry, I see you do have children not sure how i missed that. I’d definitely try and put the brakes on - surely you need legal advice and to consider what to do next rather than being rushed into a house sale? Flowers
LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 30/10/2021 09:55

Is the house jointly owned? If it is I'd be slamming the brakes on the house sale till you've had time to get your head around what's happening. If it isn't jointly owned and you're in the UK from what I gather on here you'll have no claim on the house so practicalities first, you could need to find somewhere to rent very quickly.

GoodnightGrandma · 30/10/2021 09:57

Woah ! You need to slow it down.
Can you afford a home for you and the kids etc ?

GoodnightGrandma · 30/10/2021 09:58

@SunflowerTed

Sounds like he has somebody else. Sorry op
I agree. It’s so clinical.
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