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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've upset my DP :(

8 replies

HayleyandRoo · 11/12/2007 16:35

I've been with my DP for over 8 months and we're engaged and having a baby together. We're normally very happy but have just had our first ever proper row and it was over money.

I was 50% in the wrong and he was 50% in the wrong in my opinion, but I think I've REALLY upset him, which I would never want to do. I'm not going to say sorry as normally he comes to me and we cuddle after our little bickers and then it's all better... but he's not come for cuddles this time. I think he's really mad. What should I do?

OP posts:
JingleBelgoHoHoHo · 11/12/2007 16:37

It's simple. Say you're sorry, and say that you are upset by the row and that you want to make up. In my experience, he may say he is sorry then as well, after you've said it first.

Divvy · 11/12/2007 16:47

Make him come to you first, start as you mean to go on!

yomellamoHelly · 11/12/2007 16:49

Money causes problems between so many people. Say you're sorry you've upset him, but you're upset too. Talk about why you're both upset and see if that shows a way out of this situation.

Original poster
HayleyandRoo · 11/12/2007 17:20

Thanks everyone, he finally came and gave me a kiss and a cuddle because he had to go out and he couldn't go out with us mad at each other. I told him why I'm so upset and he said sorry, but then he had to go so I txt'd him and said I hadn't meant what i said and then he txt'd me and told me what's wrong.

He feels like he's not providing because he has a broken foot so he can't work at the moment and we have the baby on the way, but I'm not bothered about the money at all!!! He never misses an antenatal appointment or a kick and he does so much for me. We're normally so loveydovey.

Stupid argument eh? I think it's outrageous hormones again.

OP posts:
ItCameUponAMidnightClara · 11/12/2007 17:32

You upset him but waited for him to apologise?

Original poster
HayleyandRoo · 11/12/2007 17:51

Well we were both shouting at each other and he upset me but I said something little that happened to REALLY upset him, so it took me a while to work out why he was so annoyed. I'd no idea he was feeling inadequate over the money situation. I thought he'd just think of it all as our money rather than me earning and him not.

I am going to start saying sorry to him more often though.

OP posts:
ItCameUponAMidnightClara · 11/12/2007 17:55

Money is a horrible thing to argue about. I know my DP gets a bit fed up if he is out of work - he works on contracts so can have gaps in between and doesn't get paid for time off either. At least you made up though

HappyWoman · 11/12/2007 18:33

Saying sorry is not a sign of weakness you know. You dont have to admit to being in the wrong just that you are sorry that you do not see eye to eye all the time. But those hormones are awful at times too.

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