Sorting money

[Forsure69]

Can financial responsibility be equal? How do you work out what is fair or how do you save? Especially when one person is less off but does most of the family responsibility.

Are you married ?

What do you mean equal? That you pay everything 50-50 despite the income difference. Sure it's possible, but depends on many factors if this is also fair.

When we did not earn the same we shared family/child and living expenses proportionally. Now we earn roughly the same and share these expenses 50:50.
We both love a good spread sheet and have tracked our ingoings and outgoings for the last 30 years.
(not shared are for example our haircuts, personal clothing, me sponsoring an animal at the zoo, etc.)

In a long term partnership or marriage, each person should contribute in proportion to their income and have the same amount of “spending money” left over once all bills are paid.

Yes, married. 3 kids.

Can it be equal or is it fair? I can't seem to save. Every penny I have is gone by the end of the month.

If you 'can't ssem to save' - do you know where your money is actually going? Are you paying for things that should be shared - like shoes for the DC or family food?

If married and one partner is working less due to childcare obligations then the fair thing in most circumstances would be to put all money into one pot for all family expenses, savings etc, and transfer equal amounts to own accounts for personal expenses.

Depends do you get an allowance or is there joint money and joint savings?

What is your comparative income? We have just had a joint account since married.

@Forsure69

Yes, married. 3 kids.

Can it be equal or is it fair? I can't seem to save. Every penny I have is gone by the end of the month.

What savings do you want to achieve? Are they for a family holiday, for your own personal use, children's? I think with different salaries of parents, it's fair for each to contribute a % towards bills rather than go 50/50 or if there was a prior agreement that one would cover the mortgage and the other covers other bills and maybe share or contributes a % towards family outgoings such as groceries/holidays/outings etc I do think it's important to always maintain at least one separate bank account each. If you intend to save for yourself then I would put a standing order in to pay whatever amount it is you can afford from your salary rather than wait to see if there's anything left by the end of the month.

@Forsure69

Yes, married. 3 kids.

Can it be equal or is it fair? I can't seem to save. Every penny I have is gone by the end of the month.

What do you earn and what does he earn ? If he earns more I think he should pay proportionally more, or you if you earn more. Do you have your own account with wages paid into it, and bills going out a joint account ?

Need more detail on your income disparity and how bills and money is split.

@Prokupatuscrakedatus I love the spread sheet idea. I think we need to do a over all look at our finances.

If married and all kids belong to both of you, then all money goes on one pot. But that's a v simple view.
Im now single so wouldn't entertain sharing money again as need to protect my myself.

@Forsure69
I can sum up everything that went on DC's clothing since 2000. We are a bit strange.
I can also tell how much of my private money is wasted on extra sweets, I really should not eat. DH is a disciplied eater and does all the meal planning and food shops.

if there was a prior agreement that one would cover the mortgage and the other covers other bills and maybe share or contributes a % towards family outgoings such as groceries/holidays/outings etc

@TheTrinity This (one partner paying the mortgage, and the other paying bills) is an incredibly risky suggestion if the couple are not married. If they split up, the person who paid the mortgage could argue that they own a greater proportion of the equity, even if the other person was financially contributing to the household in other ways. It's less important if you're married as the family home will be considered a joint asset, but plenty of women have been left with nothing following a long term relationship because their partner was the one who paid the mortgage on paper, and thus had ownership of the asset.

OP, if you're married and share children then it should be all income into one pot, all expenses out if it, and an equal amount of personal spending money. Otherwise what's the point? (Assuming your husband has built up lots of savings in his name only, do you/does he realise that as you are married on divorce they'd be considered a joint asset?)

@Outfoxedbyrabbits

"OP, if you're married and share children then it should be all income into one pot, all expenses out if it, and an equal amount of personal spending money. Otherwise what's the point? (Assuming your husband has built up lots of savings in his name only, do you/does he realise that as you are married on divorce they'd be considered a joint asset?)" This is my thoughts. I think everything should be in one pot then have a look at what we have after bills, then take a share.