Tinder/Hinge/Bumble

[bilbodaboncho]

Decided I would give a few dating apps a try but the thing I struggle with the most is what to put in the bio.

I am happily single and not prepared to give that up unless I met someone who enhanced my life. I am long term monogamous relationship oriented but not averse to fun along the way although will not get involved with a friends with benefits (Fwb) situation ever again.

Interests wise are varied:- gardening, environmental conservation, nature, countryside, walking, cycling, swimming, gym, camping, geology, meteorology, vegetarian cooking and love animals. Not a partying type person and I don't like crowded spaces. Wouldn't say I am an introvert but definitely prefer 121 socialising.

Do you swipe right to profiles that have no bio but you like the look of the person? Lastly do you swipe right on profiles for example if you have no common interests?

It's hard to know what sort of person would be suitable and a lot is down to chemistry which can't be vetted online.

I think maybe one dating app is enough as can't image being on more than two.

I think chemistry/attraction is vital to get a romantic relationship off to a start. For me, common interests didn't matter that much because when I fancied someone and they fancied me, the mutual attraction to each other was what made each other interesting not the interests themselves. I'm not sure if that's a recipe for compatibility though but it certainly made for an intense relationship

@bluejoeythesailor Yes agree completely. I have deleted the apps now anyway. I realise I'm happier when not dating and rather focus on things that make me happy and dating is not for me. I don't care anymore whether I meet someone or not. It's slim pickings anyway and not prepared to settle for the shit that's out there lol

@Pinkbonbon

Let me save you some time, especially if you are looking to date men: you could put 'im a flying fairy looking for someone to help me get back to timbuktu' on your profile, no one will read it. Men only look at the photos. Especially when what you want is written on your profile, they never read that.

The amount of them that message 'what is it you are looking for?' When you have specifically stated what on your profile, is staggering. They don't read it.

And that will immediately alienate the men that do take an interest in a woman's bio.

Everyone, men and women alike, primarily pick matches on dating apps from the photo's. That's why all dating sites focus on having pictures. Could you imagine a dating app that doesn't allow profile photo's being popular?

For most people the pictures aren't the only consideration, but they are a factor.

Most men don’t bother with a profile. I now look at all OLD basically as an Argos catalog of mug shots.

I’m particularly perplexed by men with multiple photos of them in cycling gear with helmets and standing next to their bike, on the bike or with some medal around their neck and are muddy with a muddy bike.
What/ Who do they think they will attract?

@Pinkbonbon I agree. I don’t give an F if they are bloody Adonis. No profile no match. If there is nothing interesting or in common what’s the point

@GreyCarpet too right. I’m over 50 barely and in very good shape (thank you Botox, amazing hair colourist, ballet and Pilates) but I work at it. I have a profile and it’s upbeat but says what I want best friend to have as the foundation hopefully for an encore love story. I work, list some hobbies. I mention please no separated men, men more than 10 miles, or small children please. I have my settings for men 55-65. I’m a magnet for men separated some up to 6 years and still going and the amount of 60 year olds with 5-8 year old children is astounding.

Dating apps are just a way to meet more people and have some opportunity to screen them first so you know everyone on there is looking for dates and is (or should be...) single. I think they are easier to manage, mentally and practically, if you see them just as that rather than expecting them to find you good matches. If I were doing it again I'd be aiming to meet up for a quick coffee ASAP rather than let messaging go on, taking up time and possibly building up expectations.
Few people seem to meet through hobbies nowadays - the potential pool of single people at any one event is usually going to be tiny, and you're left eyeing the one single bloke there, squinting sideways and wondering if he might do
If you only want to find soneone offline, I really wouldn't rely on hobbies - try searching Eventbrite or Meetup for singles events. Many people will be relying on singles nights in pubs and clubs, even if they're not generally into that sort of thing, so perhaps you could visit a few of those just for research purposes.

Whatever you do, if it even clarifies for you what you don't want, that's useful in itself.

The other thing is most people are simply not going to be a match, if you are a bit ‘different’ in any way, and I mean that positively by the way. Online dating is like sitting on a bus. How many men that get on are going to be your type? Possibly not very many. So saying something about who you are will perhaps help weed out some of the completely unsuitables, although the random ‘scattergun’ tryers will still try!

One thing though, as a pretty private person, I don’t like talking about myself etc. I always found it extra hard. I can just about list a couple of interests, but not comfortable writing about other aspects of their lives to strangers on the www.

Photos are useful. Not perfect, as we miss lots of things and people can be much more attractive in real life - it’s called ‘personality’! And they won’t tell you if someone is deranged. But they also can tell you some things.

So, if I was to do it again (though can’t see it somehow) I’d do it and remember to keep myself safe.

I met an ex partner on Tinder - there was nothing special in his profile, it was a very random occurrence timing/luck coincidence/availability of both of us in that given period/location.

@HeyNowHey

I like the bus analogy ! I look for chemistry/initial attraction/sexual compatibility. Might seem shallow but I need to be able to differentia strongly between a friend/sexual partner. Many people are nice and kind I need note than that. Life compatibility ie wanting to get married/or not/having children or not is obviously another consideration. It used to be anyway, I'm now a solo parent to be so and was previously married so now both of these aspects are no longer a consideration. But the old age problem persists, finding someone you fancy and they fancy you back is like looking for a needle in a haystack!

I've been on bumble on and off for about 18 months.
The only guy which I connected to and had a short relationship with (although I'm so glad I met) had written lots on his profile and he also asked about mine in our first messages - so he did read mine.

I just view apps as a way of having the chance to connect in a safe way with guys who I would have no opportunity to in real life. 99.9% of them are of no interest of me, but I keep the hope!