How to communicate your needs?

[Dating13426]

To a partner, a friend etc.

I am not good at this and I am in therapy but to be honest I can’t say as I’ve learnt much about this point (though it’s been great in general!)

For context, I feel embarrassed, awkward, etc expressing needs and don’t know how to behave when they are not met.

You shouldn't feel embarrassed when asking for your needs to be met. If you do, it's likely because you were told when. you were younger that your needs were not important.

Have you got any specific context and I can try and help?
I find that when you state how something makes you feel and why, then how the thing is best dealt with works- If they don't meet it, then this is where you would maintain your boundaries

So for example, if I was in a relationship and my partner was not helping around the house, I would say "Seeing the mess, dirt etc makes me feel anxious and makes me feel that you don't value my time. Having a clean space is important to me and I would love and appreciate it if we could team up and do this together"

You are never too much for the right person when it comes to relationships.

I would practise until it becomes second nature. It takes time but it is the ultimate self care I think.

I've been through similar myself and used to be so shy as well, I couldn't say anything even when I built up the courage to try. It takes a lot of practice. It helped me to be really clear in my own mind what the goals are and what I am going to say and achieve. Because I found it easier to voice my 'needs' at work (eg scheduling meetings and follow up discussions), I just adapted that to my personal life. If I'm talking with a friend, and the topic came up that I wanted to address, I would say 'oh yes, that reminds me ... can we talk about that soon because I'd love to know what you think..?' and be clear about how something makes me feel and what I would like to do just like @piddocktrumperiness says With a partner I find it easiest not to beat about the bush, be direct but always calm and respectful of course. I would choose an appropriate time and just straight out ask if we can talk about something that's been on my mind/bothering me/wondered about. Definitely do not bottle it up and hopefully this means you 're not left feeling uncomfortable and awkward for too long. I try to tackle things as and when they occur, I'm not good at hiding my feelings anyway.

Can you explain a bit more about why you feel embarrassed? It might help you to understand the feeling a bit better, and you might get more accurate advice for your situation, too.

On a general note, 'not knowing how to behave' suggests that you're looking for some external rule book that you 'should' be following, with regard to how you feel, and how you subsequently behave. The rule book is inside you; you 'should' behave however comes instinctively to you. To one person, this might appear 'hysterical' or 'wildly avoidant' or whatever, but, simply put, those are people to steer clear of.

Could it be the case that you do not want to express your needs due to fear of rejection?