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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confused

6 replies

Grandadwasthatyou · 29/10/2021 00:42

Am in my early 60s, came out of a long marriage a few years ago and met a lovely man a few years older than me online about 8 months ago. Unfortunately it's a long distance relationship as he lives a few hours North of me but we make it work taking turns spending time with each other every other week which I look forward to. We do lovely things together, things I really missed during my marriage and have a good sex life.
I don't kid myself that it probably works because we don't see each other as regularly as most couples which keeps things fresh.

He has been very honest that he never wants to get married again and nor do I.
We each have grown up family. My family know all about him, his family do not know of my existence. Nor do his friends ( except his best friend who he sees every day).
I have told him how hurt I am and that I feel as if I am some secret and that he must feel ashamed to tell anybody about me. His answer is that he is a very private person and doesn't feel the need to tell anybody about us.
We speak on the phone every night and when I visit him he puts himself out, plans a nice day and always makes us a nice meal. If we bump into people he knows in his home town he does introduce me as his significant other.

I don't want to stop seeing him but am I right in feeling the way I do?
I certainly don't feel inclined to introduce him to my family when his don't even know of my existence.

OP posts:
Strangevipers · 29/10/2021 00:55

He's taking his time and enjoying being with you. Declaring you are an official couple to his family shouldn't bother you. Give it more time it will probably happen naturally and you will meet his family at some point. It's been difficult to introduce you to his family with Covid happening. It is bothers you this much ask him outright, you have every right to or maybe suggest you would like to take the next step and meet his family or atleast some of his family and see what he says

MintMatchmaker · 29/10/2021 00:59

I didn’t tell my family about my now husband for around 8 months. I just wanted to keep it private and enjoy it rather than be questioned about it.

It wouldn’t trouble me and I expect that over time it will change anyway. Just enjoy what you have.

samesign · 29/10/2021 01:02

8 months is still early days, I wouldn't worry for now if it was was a more established relationship of a few years then it would be odd. Ask him if he would like you to meet them in the future.

AnotherOldGeezer · 29/10/2021 01:14

There is another thread currently on this topic but she is at an earlier stage in her life. If you don’t plan to marry or live together I think there is much less urgency

TheTrinity · 29/10/2021 11:15

I agree with the others and 8 months is a relatively short time. The fact that he does introduce you as his SO to those he knows in his home town and his best friend knows, shows he is not hiding you. I have the same attitude as your man whereas my DP was much more keen about telling his friends and family about us. I would not worry about it at all and just enjoy your time together.

TheFoundations · 29/10/2021 11:49

am I right in feeling the way I do

Who makes the rules for you about your feelings?

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