Girlfriend gone quite

[bloke92]

My gf and I have been together 16 month. We don't live together yet and at the moment with work we don't get a lot of time together.
We have a very passionate relationship she is very firery & feisty not to mention stubborn. I'm also stubborn and have to be right. We argue a fair bit because we both have to have the last word. I'm worried normally when she's peed off she tells me. But she's very quite. I asked her if she was ok tonight (I can tell she isn't) but she just said I'm fine don't worry. This really isn't like her she's normally telling me how it is.

I am selfish I do get my way a lot but I'm worried I'm going to lose her.

Neither of you sound anywhere close to being able to have a healthy relationship with anyone.

I mean I suppose at least you're self aware but it doesn't exactly sound like you're willing to change those things, you say them as if they are just ok to continue. "I'm selfish" "I have to have the last word" etc. Don't you want to change those things?

You should be single and work on those things yourself. Not be in a relationship.

Because if you don't then the only relationships you'll have will be toxic ones with someone also like you or abusive ones where you are with someone who feels unable to stand up to you as an equal and is passive, allowing your selfish behaviour to continue.

Don't focus on her shit, break up and focus on your own.

@bloke92 they say when a woman stops arguing, that’s the point you might have lost her. I’m my experience if I’ve gone quiet it means I’ve lost the fight in me to make the relationship work. If you have been arguing because she is try to get you to treat her better thats probably what it is.

Did you think that being selfish was sustainable in a relationship?

This looks a bit like 'MN, I've been playing with matches, my house is on fire, and I'm scared something is going to go wrong.'

Maybe she's fed up of you always getting your own way? I wouldn't blame her.

Where is the care and attention? If you love someone you generally want them to be happy to and do things that please them also, not just focus on your own needs nd wants. If you can't ever be bothered to put her first then no wonder she's had enough.

"Maybe she's fed up of you always getting your own way? I wouldn't blame her.

Where is the care and attention? If you love someone you generally want them to be happy to and do things that please them also, not just focus on your own needs and wants. If you can't ever be bothered to put her first then no wonder she's had enough."

This. You say you have a very passionate relationship but I think you're just mistaking dysfunction for passion.

If you're selfish and get your way a lot then that makes you a poor relationship partner. Why should your girlfriend stick with a boyfriend who's selfish and gets his own way a lot? Why do you think it's okay to behave that way in a relationship? Those are very unattractive characteristics. Not to say that it should be all about her either - there should be a balance where both partners' needs get met a reasonable amount of the time.

All that said - you show a lot of self-awareness and self-honesty. It's great that you've recognised these things about yourself. You also sound rather young so there should be plenty of time to put things right. Learn from this experience. Perhaps this relationship is over but, if that is the case, you will get over it in time and go on to form other relationships so make sure you treat future girlfriends better.

You sound exhausting and she sounds exhausted.

I'm also stubborn and have to be right

I'm pretty sure you're going to struggle to get anyone to sympathise with that point of view, maybe have a think and realise what a totally unattractive trait that is and tbh a total turn off for me

Newsflash - no one is always right and a mature adult would know that

Quite what?

Quite what? Off you? Yeah me too. You go and be stubborn, selfish & right all the time back in 1958.

Yeah, when I went quiet in my relationship it's because I no longer have a fuck. You can only bang your head against a wall so many times before you realise it's pointless and walk away.
Only one in the kind of relationship you describe enjoys it, and that's the one who always has to be right, the other just gets fed up and leaves.

Your relationship sounds awful and unhealthy.
The start of your relationship is supposed to be the honey moon period, it sounds toxic and unhealthy.

You need to start to learn how to behave in a relationship or you will never have a healthy one.
Thinking you have to be right all the time isn't mature.
If you realise where you are going wrong you can grow from it.

Arguing all the time isn't normal and isn't ok.

One thing you ain’t always right about is how to spell quiet.

You need give her space to think without asking if she’s alright. Then, when she’s ready to talk… you listen.

Sounds like she's tired of always having to fight to be heard and knows that whatever happens, you always have to win.

A relationship isn't a competition. There isn't a winner and a loser declared every evening at the close of play. Well, there shouldn't be at any rate.

She has probably realised that she needs somebody in her corner, cheering her on, encouraging her, not standing toe to toe and waiting for the bell to ring for round 2 to have another verbal slug at her.

If you know you are selfish and unwilling to compromise, do the right thing and let her find someone who will treat her well.

Yup in my experience when I go quiet and stop fighting my corner it’s usually down to checking out and becoming indifferent.

Yeah once she stops arguing she’s done.

They say when a man tells you who he is, listen. You’ve told us enough to know that you’d be unbearable in a relationship and she’s finally realised that too.

With your next GF try being a team instead of always needing to be right. For you to be right it means she has to be wrong and that doesn’t make someone feel loved and cherished.

It’s good that you can recognise your flaws but you also need to do something about them, not just carry on going “oh yes I’m very selfish”

So you're selfish and stubborn and get your own way all the time, and you argue a lot? Maybe the relationship isn't working and she's emotionally checked out

Whenever my DP would say “I just can’t win can I?” it made me realise he didn’t care about how I felt, he just wanted me to feel the same way he did about things. By trying to convince me of his “rightness” all he did was alienate me as it meant I didn’t feel heard. We’ve split several times over it because I got to exactly the same point as your GF - tired of fighting.

If you always have to be right and have openly admitted you're selfish, that's like 2 of the biggest turn offs ever for most women. Have a look at the threads on here from women who are utterly fed up of the way their husbands behave and actually read them. If you can't sort yourself out you will never have a proper relationship as every woman will at some point reach their limit with you and leave. Hope that helps.

Sounds like a tedious shitshow, why not just behave decently?
Doesn’t seem like much of a loss if you do ‘lose’ her, what were you wanting from this thread?

You both sound awful tbh.

Why don’t you just grow up and learn to communicate properly instead of being a twat? Honestly men are so fucking tedious.

@Imissmoominmama

One thing you ain’t always right about is how to spell quiet.

You need give her space to think without asking if she’s alright. Then, when she’s ready to talk… you listen.

Or fiery

Please don’t mistake volatile for passion