What is a reasonable length of time to have someone round?

[ddotty]

Me and H separated after 30 years together because I found out about historical cheating which had happened three years prior. He wasn't seeing anyone else at the time of discovery.
He refused to leave marital home so I left. I left some of my stuff at the marital home because there's more room there. Nothing valuable. Sentimental stuff including personal stuff from my childhood.

In these circumstances, what would you consider reasonable period of time to pass before he has a woman round?
Should I go and collect all my stuff even though we own the house jointly?

I would collect my stuff just to make sure he didn't mess with it to 'punish' me for leaving. If you don't have space, put it in storage, lots of people do.

And since you own the house jointly, I'd be looking to get it on the market and start severing ties with him.

If you have left, I presume he can have a woman around whenever he likes.

Presumably if he cheated during the marriage, he's not going be all considerate now about leaving a respectable time period before having someone over

I'd message him and ask him to box up your belongings and put them in a spare room or cupboard? What is the link between your sentimental items and him having an overnight guest? Are you worried about theft or him throwing them away?

He was involved with other women during your marriage. He's not going to act reasonably now.

Well you're not really talking about a reasonable person if he had form for cheating so I don't see any point in asking what is reasonable.

But you should be forcing the sale through as soon as pos and the divorce, so that you don't need to think about all that. If I were him I'd be wondering when it was reasonable get you to sign the divorce papers more than about when I could date again.

OP
It is likely your husband has changed the locks so you would need to contact him to arrange a time to collect your items.

Why not call or send an email or will he ignore your requests?

I am trying to understand your main concern.
When did you last correspond with your husband?

Now you've separated there is no reasonable amount of time he should wait. If he wants to have rebound flings or casual things that's up to him, not something you should be worrying yourself over. Not sure what the connection is between you still having possessions in the house and him seeing other people? Are you trying to link those things together or two separate issues?

As you've separated and you have left the house, he can have a woman over whenever he likes. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh; it must have been so very difficult, finding out about the historical cheating and making the decision to leave over it. You have been through a lot. But honestly, now you've moved out, it's not your concern who he is seeing or where he meets them. He's not your problem any more. Focus your attention on making a new and much better life for yourself. Don't allow him more headspace than is strictly necessary. Good luck

I'd go get your things when you know he will be out in case he's bitter & wants to use them for bargaining with you. Good luck as you move onwards and upwards! 😊