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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Triggered by Maid on Netflix

5 replies

user64323 · 28/10/2021 15:37

Are there any past abuse survivors who have been triggered by watching this? I just wanted to start a support thread.

Whilst I was living under a labour government so I did not have to go through what Alex did when trying to leave, it was lack of support from our welfare system that contributed to my situation. I became homeless when I was a teenager and was massively let down by agencies that could have helped, a breaking point in particular was when I had been waiting months for a supported living apartment for teenagers and young adults, and finally got a date for their induction which was a full day of team building and activities like cooking a meal. I had been sleeping on a sofa in the basement where I worked several miles away the night before, and had to walk there because I couldn't afford a bus, and was slightly late but I did the whole day of activities and had to take a day off work to do it. I had to work to eat and get buses to my college placements, and I was struggling to juggle both and falling behind with course work. They told me a week later that I couldn't have a housing place because I had turned up late. No-one else at the induction was genuinely homeless except me, they had all disclosed to me during the day that their parents had just agreed to declare they were.

I had nowhere else to turn at this point and ended up moving back in with a boyfriend who I had left after he physically attacked me when he was drunk, much like Sean he had been desperate for me to let him support me and prove he had changed. I had been offered a job as a live in nanny in London, so I just needed somewhere for a few months, but in that time I ended up pregnant (whilst using contraception).
He was an alcoholic, he'd punch walls, would gas light me and was a compulsive liar. Alex's breaking point was when she had to pick glass out of Maddie's hair, and mine was when I had been very ill with a vomitting bug, and he went out drinking. I fainted after multiple episodes of vomiting and I remember pleading with him to come home because I was too ill to look after our baby, I was terrified I would drop her when she woke up. I was breastfeeding and severely dehydrated. He came home very drunk in the early hours and at some point tried to snatch our baby from my arms. He was pulling and I wouldn't let go and that was it for me. Him drunk and pulling our baby like a doll. I knew I had to leave to protect my child.

Thankfully the system after having a baby meant I was entitled to housing benefit and emergency housing. I was offered a housing association house within a year. Our child is now a teenager and I thought I was completely healed but I have been very emotional since I watched this and realise maybe I am not as healed as I thought I was.

Whilst our welfare system is much better than in the state Alex lived, more still needs to be done to support teenagers living in poverty to avoid this situation.

OP posts:
Persephonespip · 28/10/2021 16:04

I am sorry you had to go through that. I have also experienced an abusive relationship but at least I had family support; I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been having to move in with an abusive partner just to have a roof over your head. Thank heavens things got better for you and protecting your child was the impetus you needed to get out of there (and you were given accommodation). I’m sorry to hear the memories have resurfaced, perhaps some counselling might help? Flowers

Maybebaby8 · 28/10/2021 16:21

It made me cry watching it. I wish I had been braver and left sooner. I wish I had reported it to the police at the time. It would have protected my children now. I luckily had family and a roof over my head. But I struggled, had eviction letters threatening to kick us out when the rent fell behind. Could hardly feed myself it was awful.

Counselling helped a little but it still haunts me

Pandapop101 · 28/10/2021 16:34

Your experience sounds similar to mine sadly.

Watching The Maid really triggered me but also showed me how far I have come.
I wasn’t believed at the time by his family, mediator, courts etc it was horrific, to have built up the courage to leave to protect my daughter and there being made to feel like I was lying was awful.
I wish I had reported him to the police each time but I was too scared and like they all are he was very clever with his abuse and I believed I was to blame and that no one would believe me.
It makes me very angry still that he ‘got away with it’ but counselling has helped me although I still love with the scars.
I’m sorry so many of us have suffered like this it’s awful.

Walker111 · 28/10/2021 19:05

Yes 😔 and wasn’t expecting it to be so triggering. It always comes as a shock to recognise my own life in films and tv. Some of the things her partner said to her was literally like a script of what my ex used to say to me.

EarthSight · 28/10/2021 21:53

I thought it was a really good series. I'd like to see more like it.

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