This is the last chance then I'm moving on...

[LittleMo234]

I friend zoned my DP of 5 years in June because I needed time out. I haven't seen anyone else in the meantime, and we've stayed friends.
A month or so ago, I got feelings for him again and said I'm open to being more than friends, but he's never made a move so I'm guessing he's not keen.
I've asked him over for dinner this weekend so we can talk about it but am drawing the line here - if he doesn't make it clear that he wants to be with me then I'm calling it a day. I can't wait forever for him to want me again.
I've written in on here to remind myself of my resolution! I deserve someone who really wants to be with me, otherwise I'll be staying happily single.

Its probably for the best. What if he came back and you changed your mind and dumped him again?

Sorry to hear that. I think you are doing the right thing to move on, you tried. If he isn't going to discuss it then there is your answer.

This is so weird. You friendzone an acquaintance who is flirting with you not your partner of five years!! It’s possible you may be able to win him back but it’s likely that he’s moved onwards and upwards.

That's shit OP

At least you threw your hat in the ring so you were willing to admit you made a mistake.

Gosh. You sound exhausting.

It sounds as though he wasn't the right person for you but your mind or loneliness believe he is the right one. It can be difficult to trust someone after being dumped as people have feelings and don't want to feel like they are being messed around. Move on, take some time out and then meet someone new.

How unreasonable of him not to be arsed to jump when you click your fingers. I do hope he has found somebody nice this time after wasting 5 years

Jeez you lot are mean! Whatever happened to be kind?

Luckily my ex is still nicer to me as a friend than most of you lot or I'd be feeling horribly low right now...

But thanks to the few of you who've been understanding and sympathetic, you're nice people

Don’t look back - and I’d hazard a guess that it’s better for your emotional well-being to not stay ‘friends’.

How can you have been together for 5 years and not have any real commitment (house, marriage, financial obligations etc) to him that you were able to ‘friend zone’ him?

It’s not you - it’s him. Let him go and move on!

What do you mean by ‘whatever happened to be kind’? That stock phrase has been bandied about by hunbabes the past while, to mean ‘tell me I’m right or else you’re all bitches, wehhh’. No one has been ‘unkind’, you not liking replies to your own words is your issue.

@NowEvenBetter
I didn't want anyone to tell me I'm right, I even said myself that I made a mistake and I was feeling really sad about it.
I forgot MNers were mostly perfect and never fucked anything up 🤦‍♀️

@LittleMo234 - reading between the lines, you ended things after 5 years because you felt your relationship wasn't going anywhere. That seems like a very sensible thing to do. Maybe I'm way off beam but perhaps that's why you were able to friendzone him rather than going completely NC - perhaps because your relationship felt more like a friendship than a committed long-term relationship anyway.

People do make mistakes and it sounds like you reached out to him pretty quickly to say you had made a mistake in ending the relationship. I think you're right - the fact that he hasn't taken you up on the offer to get back together suggests that he may have been happy for the relationship to end.

Your story is ringing some bells. I don't know if you have posted before. There was another thread with a young woman who'd been with her boyfriend for a similar length of time but there hadn't been any physical intimacy for ages and it felt rather as if they were drifting into friendship rather than being lovers and the boyfriend seemed unbothered by this but the poster wasn't. She finished the relationship (with MN encouragement, including from me because that really did sound like the best thing). She then noticed that her boyfriend seemed very keen for them to stay apart even when she floated the possibility of a reconciliation.

In all honesty - it doesn't really sound like finishing the relationship was a mistake. Yes, he may not want to risk being hurt by you again but I can't help thinking that if the feelings were strong enough on both sides and the relationship good enough, he would have been willing to give you a second chance. After all, you'd been together for 5 years.

I know of two couples where one partner (the woman in one case and the man in the other) finished the relationship after a few years together, realised they'd made a huge mistake, asked to come back and the relationships resumed very successfully. (In both cases, the couples in question have now been married for over 20 years).

So the fact that he's not interested in exploring the possibility of a reconciliation suggests to me that he's happy with things as they now are, which in turn means that ending it was probably the right thing to do. As a PP suggested - you may need to go NC to get over him.

I think you called it right the first time, and since then you've worried you made the wrong decision. You didn't. Neither of you are a good fit for the other, from what you've said. Let it go, and if you do happen to meet anyone else, cool, but single life has a lot to recommend it.

Oh OP, sorry people have been a bit sarky and hurtful. Rejection and regret is never nice.

At least you tried, and at least you know where you stand now, instead of wondering and being in limbo. Time to draw a line under it and move on

Thank you @Dery @Skiptheheartsandflowers and @sparklfairy, I know you're right, but I'm still feeling sad about it all and will have to have a good think about whether staying friends is the right thing to do....

Lol, been there, kind of. I'm not buying you made a mistake, after 5 years, you know how you feel about someone so...

1. Why did you end it, and does the reason still exist?
2. Are you just realising how hard it is to get as far as fining someone to have a deep connection with? Nobody is as good, but, don't you realise you've not really been open and looked since being friends as friends has distracted you so youve not had anyone else since to compare.
3. Men behave totally different when friends and, tbh it's often more in an appealing way, so once you get back with them, they will often behave in the same way that pissed you off in the first place.

What's to say that you won't get bored and friendzone him again. You'd both be better off starting fresh. It didn't work out.

Agree OP there are some completely unnecessary personal attacks on you. Small minds often enjoy being nasty typing behind a keyboard, especially on MN and especially when they are bored and have nothing positive to do with their lives. I hope some of the posts were helpful to you at least.

Why did you decide to split up with him as a couple?

Sometimes analyzing it can save you from making similar mistakes in the future.

You've said you told him you'd made a mistake and would like to try again with the relationship. Have you actually apologised though? It's bound to take a lot of grovelling to win someone back in these circumstances. But maybe you were right the first time - he's just not that into you, and so now he's not bothered about getting back together.