Unsure what to do

[sandybeach93]

Feeling torn between my feelings and facts.. I have written about my husband on a previous post and it made me realise how much he still controls me, I have almost split up with him because of it and he changed for a little bit then things are just the same everyday doing nothing but sitting on the sofa watching shit on tv if he's not gaming on Xbox it's on his phone so we're often sat in silence and it is really getting me down again, we have been going 6-7 weeks without having sex too and when we do finally do it it's over too fast, I won't be allowed to get toys or sort myself out yet he's not prepared to up his game...I was feeling really lovely in 2020 at the start of the year and I ended up talking with a work colleague who I then had a spark/connection we didn't actually do anything about it but my husband found out, I ended up having to leave work and haven't been back to work since because he wants me at home all the time so it won't happen again I now feel like I have no choice but I hate being at home my 3 kids are at school so I have no reason to not work it is driving me insane. I feel like I can't gain control back of my life
I want to loose weight because I've been comfort eating for the past year and put on so much weight and since I've tried loosing weight he hasn't supported it he'd rather me just sit about and eat over sized portions buying junk food all the time.
Sorry for the long post

@AttilaTheMeerkat

He has not cared at all about being so horrible to you (and in turn any children involved here) either so he does not deserve any such consideration from you.

Yes I also made the sulking husband post other day, I know leaving is the right thing to do which am defo doing. On Monday I'm calling woman's aid and solicitor I'm using for my abusive ex (kids dad) to see how they can help and hopefully I will have been able to do it by the end of the week so not waiting on the inevitable and allowing him time to sabotage my plan to leave as the woman's aid worker said on the live chat

This is a lovely letter op but will make no diference to him. Bottom line is you want to end your marriage. No matter how nicely you say it the impact will be the same. If I were you I would just say, I am not happy and I want to leave this marriage.

You are not asking him to leave , you are telling him you are leaving.
He can threaten all he likes, he is not your responsibility.
Get a job and get out.

Very common for men in this situation to threaten suicide. You cannot stay because of that. In 99% of cases its all just idle threats as they see it affects you. Pick one sentence eg l hope you won't do that and then let it over your head as its pure blackmail. He doesn't care enough about being a proper dh to put in some bloody effort instead of watching TV etc. What does he actually want you there for? Don't write any letters as he won't appreciate your efforts and it's wasted on him.
Best advice in these situations is keep it short and don't go into any explanations. He knows the story. He just couldn't be bothered putting himself out.
And it's good he is not the father of your dc if l understand that correctly.

😂 he's just been complaining about having to make a shepards pie by himself for dinner which I do almost everyday what a prick

The letter still reads as you really don't know what you want to do and could be convinced to stay. You don't need all the justification, I expect it's there because you want that behaviour acknowledged by him, but that's not going to happen, meanwhile it gives him a way in to gaslight you into staying. If what you really want is to leave you don't need the other things you've written, you need to tell him that succinctly and leave him no way in to turn this against you.

Seeing woman's aid today very determined to do the right thing