I’m 37 and my whole life I’ve wanted to settle down and share a home with a family. I’ve had therapy over the years and had good and bad relationships. For whatever reason they didn’t work out. Some I look back on and think I should have gone for it, others I’m glad ended.
The last time I was dating I felt really low and had to try and muster up energy to chat to people. I eventually men someone… The latest was a man I fell head over heels for and thought he felt the same. I was so happy. It was clear though after a year or so that he was in no rush to even think about moving in or meeting family and friends. I said I needed more. He didn’t step up. I ended it.
I’ve been quite… numb since. I was very upset it was over but something else has taken over me now. I haven’t heard from this ex and don’t expect to. But it’s become less about him. I feel nothing scrolling through profiles. I feel nothing when someone nice wants to meet for a coffee. I’m not even missing my ex anymore, I just feel I have given up.
The things I wanted so much are now out of reach for me, pretty much. The pain of trying to chase them and feeling like it’s all too late is too much to bear and I seem to have developed this numbness that takes that pain away but has led me to look elsewhere for contentment in life. I’m very sad about it but I can’t seem to change my mindset.
It’s almost like I feel relieved I can now give up, despite feeling very sad about it.
Has anyone else found this? What did you find in life that replaced that longing for a future with someone? I can’t face pursuing that anymore but the future also seems bleak.