Still struggling, i can't see an end to it

[ChiChi16]

DH has moved back into our home after staying in a hotel for 3 and a half months. He moved back in because he couldn't afford to pay the mortgage and hotel costs. He said he would be civil to me and I should live my life and he would live his, he moved to the spare room.
He was OK for the first couple of days but has now stopped talking to me, ignores me and stays in his room - he works from home 3 days a week and 2 days in the office.
I have tried talking to him but he dismisses me or gets angry and shouts at me.
I find it difficult to do anything, i feel stuck in a rut and he is going about his day to day life as though nothing is wrong.
He had an emotional affair in December and i think he and OW finally stopped talking in May, he still loves her and I know he messaged her in June saying he will always love her. He is 54 and she is 25 and lives in Romania but works for his company. They have never met.
We have been married 23 years. He is telling me now that the EA was a catalyst to how he feels now, he has a lot of resentment which stems back almost 20 years and when we talk I usually get 'i wish you did that 20 years ago' etc.
My birthday was last week and he didn't even say a word to me the whole day. He tells me lots of lies over silly things that he does not need to...he shows no respect towards me and does not care at all about me.
He said we will eventually divorce but everything is on his terms at the moment... What do i do? I am a complete wreck, sleepless nights, anxiety, depression. How can someone be so cruel and how can he change so much?

Do you have children?

Have you seen a solicitor? Living with him will destroy you, please get legal advice and force a sale if you can.

Oh that sounds awful OP. I lived with my H for 6 months after separation and it was purgatory.

What is the situation practically? Have you seen a solicitor? Do you have children, if so how old (not specifically but could they look after themselves for a couple of hours after school?) Do you work - if you don't could you start looking? If you're PT could you up your hours?

Keep going, it will get better. As Winston Churchill said "When you're going through hell - keep going!"

I really feel for you. Went through similar myself, it's a nightmare living together after separation. Do you have children? Have you discussed the house, as in selling etc.
In my case I ended up moving out, but not until I'd got half my share of the house so that I could start again. It was hard work & very stressful.
You will get to the end of this. Focus on what YOU want at the end of it, not what he decides is going to happen.
Not really offered much practical advice to you, but things will get better & you will be happy again.

Is there children in the house? If not can you move out to stay with family or friends and just file for divorce. Taking things into your own hands will bring back your confidence and turn the tables on him. He is a total fool throwing away everything for a girl he has never met. Go to a solicitor and start the ball rolling. You can't continue to live like this.
You have seen the real him now so just do everything to make your own life easier now.
I presume you are not cooking/ doing laundry etc

Your post is all about him - what do YOU want?

If you want to get back to where you were in your marriage before the affair, I suspect that ship has long sailed.

If you want to get divorced then go to a solicitor and get the ball rolling. I assume you’ve done the usual gathering up of all financial information and have an idea of how you’d manage your future?

We have a DD17. I work from home. I have been in touch with a solicitor but not taken the move to go ahead with the divorce. I am finding it really difficult to move to the next stage, he's been in my life for 30 years and I'm struggling to see a future without him.
I had hoped that the anger and resentment would pass and we'd communicate in a better way to work through this, but he's happy to ignore me or get angry when i approach him to talk.
I am not 100% convinced he is still not in touch with OW, but when i ask he says no.