I just miss him very much

[cherriesandplums2021]

I don’t really know what I want from this post. Just a space to write it down I think. I know 100% I’m not going to contact him.

It’s been two years since we broke up. 10 months since we stopped talking full stop.

I know he’ll never reach out or get in touch but it doesn’t stop me feeling so sad.

Oh! Hold fast to why you went no contact

All the good things are probably lies and illusion.

What keeps you busy now? What are you
Up to? Can we talk about you and what you are doing and making of yourself?

Can we keep him on the shelf as (if I may be so bold) he might have kept you? Let’s talk about how you can get back to you… cuz this guy ain’t it.

Or not. . Maybe there is a way to shake this parasite once and for all.

(PS they always come back. I’ve had even 15 years go by with these men trying to talk.. they ALWAYS come back. I look like Big Birds sister (so no model here) and in droves they come knocking … by then if you’re lucky you’ll see them for who they are and you’ll laugh)

My god don’t contact him.

Please! I’m a stranger in California and I care… please don’t do it. You’ll feel worse and he will feel better.

You said you wouldn’t which makes me think you might

Stay strong and lean Into your dignity.

Oh no, I definitely won’t contact him. The reason I know I won’t is because deep down I love him still but I know I could never be in a relationship where I wasn’t sure if he loved me and if I contacted him, it would again be me making the effort. But I’m just so tired of feeling this way and feeling sad and missing him.

I think my life isn’t busy enough even though I try snd make it so. Maybe I need to do even more and really tire myself out.

You’re being so hard on yourself.

You have so much in you that is amazing and effortless. You just can’t see it.

Even here as words on an my iPad I can see your resolve and your pain. You are vibrant and real.

You might need to give yourself space to really grieve, you might need to keep busy, my cope? I get angry, I remember all the things that got me to this place and I don’t pay mind to what first got me hooked.

My point is you are doing better than you give yourself credit for and it’s ok to feel sad.

Just remember to feel sad for those who don’t have you in their lives. You have so much value and heart.

Do you miss him, or do you miss the idea of what he could have been?

What’s the reality?

I’m going through much the same right now, one day at a time x

I probably miss the idea of what could have been. But I’m just so tired of it all

It’s been two years since we broke up. And I just don’t want to be feeling like this in ten years time.