Freeloading

[Lollipoppit]

That's what it feels like at the moment!!
My partner and I started living together about a year ago, he was unemployed so was patchy with what money he could give, although we did have a big talk about it and he understood I needed a contribution.
I haven't asked for anything since July as he had some unexpected expenses but he started working a month ago and I've received nothing still.
I know he bought me an engagement ring with his first wage, I don't want to sound ungrateful but I feel like I've paid for it myself by this point anyway.

My question is, we both have 2 kids. Mine live with me and he has his overnight once a week. How much is fair to expect?
The normal response is to half bills etc but is that fair when there's 2 of my kids involved full time?

@updownroundandround
I don't plan to. Might accept the engagement but I want to keep independence.
After an abusive relationship, I'm adamant on that.

I wonder why you accept so little in a relationship. Are you afraid he'll leave you if you make him become an adult and properly share the bills? What have your previous relationships been like? How did your parents share their money?

@HollowTalk
I wasn't ready for this relationship, was very soon after my abusive 18 year marriage ended.
I was going to end it then I found out I was pregnant and considered termination but I couldn't. Maybe I should have been braver 😞
My mum and dad weren't together, I have nothing healthy to go on really.
Feel like I've ruined my life but what's done is done.

You haven’t ruined your life op and you don’t have to stay with him
If you split absolutely go through cms for a fair share of maintenance for his child
You need him to ‘play fair’ with money or go
What will happen when you’re on maternity leave? Can you live on only that money?
Unfortunately he is showing you who he is - believe him

Hopefully his family will give him a nudge in the right direction also, now he’s going to father your child. You sound like you are very caring and want to please everyone. Make sure you think about yourself too though.

My heart breaks for you.

The cost of everything you’re taking on… he should swoop in at far more than 1/3.

The toll on your body and diminished earning power…

I’m some person on the internet, so if you’re truly happy with the arrangement then ok.

But have you talked about when the baby comes? Still 1/3?

OP, I know you had your other thread deleted because it was stressing you out, but I'm concerned about you and your 16 year old (very mentally unwell) DD. I'm here to offer advice, not to judge.

I got the impression from the 'rolling' comments (in respect of unfeasible sleeping arrangements) that the now 3rd and littlest 'step kid' is just a baby itself?

OP, talk to your midwife asap about support for your DD while you are in hospital for your C-section. You cannot seriously leave her with the boyfriend, given her mental decline co-incides with his increasing involvement in your lives.

In fact, please feel free to dump him.

You need help - please ask your midwife to start helping arrange this while there's still time. Otherwise it'll be down to your 16 and 11 year olds, and this really doesn't have to be like a scene from 1967 Poplar. You need practical help. Ask for it. Stop thinking you have to rely on golden cocklodger.

I haven't asked for anything since July as he had some unexpected expenses
So what?
When you have unexpected expenses, does your landlord/mortgage provider give you 6 months off payment?
Why are you being his mummy?

but he started working a month ago and I've received nothing still
You should not have even needed to ask.

I know he bought me an engagement ring with his first wage
He prioritised bling over giving you the money he owes ... because he reckons the bling will secure him his cushy pad with a partner who doesn't make him pay his way.

I don't want to sound ungrateful but I feel like I've paid for it myself by this point anyway
Why should you be grateful?
In fact - why do you want to marry this man?

You are right OP - he is a freeloader & a cocklodger.

Please don't say 'what's done is done'. You can undo the 'decision' to live with him. It might be an uncomfortable conversation but you can't stay with someone for the rest of your life just to avoid an awkward conversation.

You will feel so much better once he's gone and it's just you and your children.