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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex was horrible to me after breaking up... I don't know why it made me sad

8 replies

ialwaysmakethewrongchoice · 27/10/2021 23:39

A short relationship that started beginning of this year. I broke up with him for a long list of reasons. It never felt right... sometimes I felt like I just needed to be with someone.

He would do things that made me doubt how serious he was about me, and then when I was walking away would say things like "I sabotaged this because deep down I think you're still speaking to your ex" or "I've fallen for you more than I expected and I panicked". When I say things like you don't know what you want, he will say "I want you but I don't know how to make it work"

I just had a feeling something was off. I didn't feel loved, or even attractive with him. I sent a message saying that I didn't want to continue with this because I sadly didn't trust him. He said he doesn't know how to convince me, and that he doesn't understand but that's fine.

When I saw him next in a group setting I asked if he wanted to speak about it. We had a strained conversation where I asked him if he understood why I didn't trust him. He said "I do understand". He let me speak for a few hours, and at times it was quite odd in that we were almost flirting... he was smirking or teasing how I said stuff, and I was playing up to that a bit. It felt like a conversation were things might be resolved, at least a bit.

He said I was a bitch to him, cold, and needy "I thought I was needy but you're something else".

I asked if we should keep talking over the next few days. He said "should we?" Eventually he answered "no" when I asked if he wanted to. He said "so you ended it, but now you want to see if we can work through it, is that right?" I said yes. He said he was in 2 minds about it.

I get it from one POV. I ended it, why should he give me the time of day? But on the other hand, why let me speak for hours about personal things if he was going to be so dismissive?

I have to see him in person and it hurts. I don't know why.

OP posts:
pog100 · 27/10/2021 23:44

For God's sake. Anything this dramatic isn't worth the time of day. You both need to move on and find sensible, calm, loving relationships. It's just not worth the brain power unpicking this.

Pinkbonbon · 27/10/2021 23:45

Stop talking to him. He is a psychopath.
People who smirk at your pain are not normal. They are rotten and you should run far far way from them fast the second you see that shit.

You feel rotten because you keep talking to him and he is a minsfucking abusive piece of shit who means you harm. Block him. And work on learning how to spot abusers so that you can run at the first sign next time.

You will never get closure by taking to them. Because that doesn't benefit them.

Delete and block.

Pinkbonbon · 27/10/2021 23:47

On the brightside your instincts are good ('I just had a feeling something was off'). You just need to practice listening to them straight away in future.

WeAreTheHeroes · 27/10/2021 23:48

A good relationship shouldn't be that difficult. You've ended it but want to keep talking things over with him. However you felt in the relationship, it's not fair to end things then do this. Ask yourself what do think you will achieve?

Pinkbonbon · 27/10/2021 23:52

Ah wait hang on he was 'smirking' to flirt? Hmm...still no. Still delete and block. But it's also possible you've been just as much trouble for him upon rereading.

TooBigForMyBoots · 27/10/2021 23:53

It's over @ialwaysmakethewrongchoice.
Just leave it.

Behind.
Where it belongs.

Pinkbonbon · 27/10/2021 23:57

Also he either let you talk for hours because he was falsely hoping you would talk yourself back into dating him or, because he was hoping you would give him some rope to hang you with. You dented his ego by breaking up with him and he wanted to hurt you back. But that's me back in him being a psyco territory.

MushMonster · 27/10/2021 23:57

I think he is a player, but what you say. Gets you to walk away, then reel you back in. Not good.
But you seem to have got used to it? You ended it. Period.
Why did you ask him to talk? And talk fr hours? And then ask if you could work it up?
Just leave it. You are not for each other, at all.

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