MIL often tries to take son away

[JC2021]

Sounds ridiculous as he's my son! But MIL will often try keep me at bay and do anything to ensure I'm not in the same room as her when she is with my son..

She doesn't fully baby sit yet on her own as husband has his slight reservations saying he's not sure if she could cope with a tantrum..

I understand she wants a relationship with him but since he arrived, those baby days she would often try take over or keep me out the way.. I've had to step up my boundaries a lot!

My husband has had to speak up more than he ever has.. she will often try and play the victim..

We don't get on very much and I think she will do what she can to make sure they have their own relationship. I get that but we don't get on as she hasn't treated me well in the past and I no longer stand for it..

Any one else deal with difficult mother in laws?

Lol

@PhiOmicron

She wants him to go to her home country in Eastern Europe with her, no way without me/DH. Just to say, this may seem unusual to you but it's not sinister at all. In some EE places, it's normal for the child to spend two-three months of the summer on the dacha (for example) with their grandmother while their parents work.

She sounds a bit much but also, you seem to really dislike her. This will colour your perception. Does she really expect a banquet, or does she assume her son to offer her refreshments in his house, as he was raised to do? Please remember hospitality varies so much from country to country. I have heard foreigners say (not in a nasty way, just observing) that the culture in the UK is comparatively less hospitable, less "you will not move from this table till you have sampled all twenty dishes" and more "right... you've had a cup of tea, now go home!"

It feels sinister after the way she treats me. For her to just expect me to allow her to take my son abroad when he's just turned 3 and she has little respect for me, no way. Yes the UK maybe less hospitable but that's a culture issue and shouldn't come between me and her after so long. So many ppl moan about British ways, "in my country.." well don't be here if you find it unappealing. She would often compare ways of parenting done in her home country to here, citing that they are infact the best way.

She is unhappy in the UK but won't leave because my husband and son are here. And no, I'm not keen on her especially after I saw her taking a few things from our house which my husband totally downplayed.

I do not trust her.

You have a dh problem.

I’m in the same position and it’s difficult
You have to think how would I feel if DH felt this way about my mum. Why am I happier to spend more time with my mum than her.
Am I just being unfair to a lonely old lady who just wants to love my child…is that so bad?!

I find it helps me to write down some of the things she says to me. It helps me let them go a bit, but also when she is playing the victim or anyone in the family is minimising things, I can look over it and know I’m not mad, these things are not acceptable.

You say you and DH are on the same page but it doesn’t sound like you are really. You need to find a way to make this more manageable for you. But there’s some real red flags in dh, who was raised by her and has experienced her parenting, not wanting her alone with his son.

I agree with PP that you need to visit her at her house.
Even once a fortnight at first to make it seem like it’s better for her. But just stay a couple of hours and go. Then start once every 3 weeks and then you can do just a few hours once a month. Or husband and DS can go to her house for a few hours together, if you would trust that. Then you don’t have to deal with her at all.

She has taken stuff from your house??? That is beyond the pale...