Fall out with PIL

[tigermummy10]

Recently found out that PIL have invited their other son to theirs for Christmas but not us (DH, child and me). No back story, yes MIL is not overly fond of me but she is the same with SIL. We have welcomed them into our house on many occasions, met regularly (pre-COVID). Since COVID, PIL haven't met up with any of the children so Christmas was going to be extra special (or so we thought). DH asked many times about Christmas but no invite was forthcoming so we assumed they didn't want anyone at theirs, our house is too small to host everyone.

But, we have not found out that BIL and family will be going. DH asked how this is happening and they have claimed that DH had said he didn't want to come this year which is a lie and he said so but they seem to have ignored it.
We are quite shocked by it all and not sure what to do? MIL does have form for lying but do we leave it and say nothing more? I tend to not get too involved in their lives and leave that to DH but this has really upset us so not sure if I should say something or ignore and get on with it. I feel they have conditioned DH to never really confront them so this will never get resolved and then another thing will come up and they will expect us there like nothing has happened.

Why would you want to go???

Leave it up to your DH.
Don’t contact them or do anything other than say they will have to ask DH about any arrangements. Do things that might make your DHs life easier if you want to but other than that do nothing

Having guests is a lot of work. They probably just want to limit it this year. If you don't get too involved in their lives why is this such a big deal. Just let it go.

I don't know why you'd want to spend Christmas with someone who doesn't particularly like you.

Well if you really want to go then your DH needs to speak to his family.

For us the conversation would go something like this " Hi mum, would it be ok for us to join you at Christmas or are you wanting to keep it to smaller numbers this year?"

You get your answer and make your plans accordingly.

I don't think DH can ask to join since they are still claiming he was asked and declined which is not true. We go every year, only years missed are because of lockdowns. I go because they have a big family Christmas.
My family don't do anything.

I am fine with it being us but it feels so wrong to lie, we would of course be fine with PIL saying they want a small one but they haven't and continue lying.

So surely if you guys are that keen to join them he can say: I don’t remember saying no, thanks for asking us it’s a yes!
But... why? They don’t owe you Christmas.

The why is more from us wondering why we didn't get invited. It is strange to invite one son and not the other or maybe it isn't. They will have their other grandchildren with them.
We definitely don't feel they owe us anything that is why we haven't pushed it.

Disengage from them, and encourage your dh to do the same.

They clearly don't value spending time with any of you. Start some Xmas traditions just for your family.

I see, yes I think most parents would just have a conversation about it, like: we are inviting your bro this year but maybe we can catch up on new year
I can’t stand my in laws hence my surprise that you wouldn’t be delighted to get out of it but I’m sorry you feel hurt :(

Why don't you just go away to somewhere nice for Christmas? I know it's expensive but it is a special occasion, after all!